One Spouse With Autism the Other With Add

I dont know if this is the right place for this question. Im new here and havent searched the site too much. But my husband and I have been having so many issues that its hard to even begin. I believe he has ADD, not ADHD. He is not very active, hates doing things. I was recently diagnosed with autism (high functioning) and obviously knew something was always different about me. Our relationship has always been, well i cant even find the word. We have always fought alot. He blamed me and I blamed him. Now I know why I am the way I am. Only, the struggles weve had have intesified things for me. I was also diagnosed with severe social and general anxiety. All of which I've had since childhood. These combined with my husbands issues, and the fact that they have gotten worse since life has gotten worse, has made our marriage seem like a total joke. Why are we even together? He will be going to counseling next week but has been in the military and couldnt (perhaps a lie) get counseling before b/c of his job. Now that weve agreed that hes probably ADD and depressed and also has anxiety, he is going. He is getting separated from the military and we have lost everything. Income, insurance, home. We dont know what to do. He has no empathy for me or what I have been dealing with. He says I'm just running with it (the autism). He once called my nephew a retard for having autism. Now he knows I have it and I dont know what he thinks of me. I am concerned about him and Im trying to be patient because I know its not something he can control. He hasnt even been diagnosed yet. But I am at the point where I dont know if I love him anymore. He lies so much, I dont trust him. I dont want to have anything to do with him but hes my only friend and has been since we met 15yrs ago. Weve been together the whole time. I dont know how I feel anymore but dont want to make a decision until he gets a diagnosis and meds. If not, I will leave for sure. Does anyone have some advice or insight here? Does anyone have autism and have a spouse with ADD/ADHD? This seems like two perfect storms. Finances are a mess, what a surprise! That makes everything worse. We are living with my brother (God bless him) and God theres just too much to get into. Anyone know if meds will fix things if he gets a diagnosis?