I have come to accept lots of things about my H that, in the past, I was not willing or able to see and accept. My eyes are opening slowly as to how little my H is able (willing?) to handle. I really have to stop expecting him to be able (willing?) to process more than one thought a day. So, I have to be mindful to not bring up more than one subject a day. Then I must speak in shorts sentences and not too many at a time....or he will go into offense/defense mode. He seems to not need conversation or connection with another person at all unless he is ranting about the government. I must permit our relationship life to be so small that it feels like death to me. And I just have to accept that and find community where I can because I need human connection.
One thing at a time
Submitted by jennalemone on 04/26/2019.
Community
Submitted by smd1409 on
Ouch. I mean to you and to me, but ignore the me part.
I wonder why your husband seems to not need conversation or connection. I would have thought that an suggestion/invitation to go dating or watch a movie together would have been an obvious yes or such an obvious yes.
Have you found that community that you search a connection for? Though I'm sure at the end of the day, even with that community, you would still prefer above all else to feel loved by your spouse. Well, there's that hope, and the situation now, and let's try not to stay in this situation for too long and see what we can make use of and progress in, both in finding peace of mind at this moment and aiming for the relationship that you would love to have.
it feels like death
Submitted by overwhelmed wif... on
I think I know what you mean by your relationship life feeling like death. But I wonder why we are willing to sentence ourselves to this death? Why are we still married to these people? Why are we willing to accept so little? Why are we willing to do so much work to get nothing or less than nothing in return? It does not make sense to me.
I feel the same way
Submitted by NonADHDSpouse on
I keep trying because there are some days that feel satisfying. Only to have the other majority of the days be the opposite. I think although we recognize the ADHD symptoms, as a non-ADHD person it is sometimes hard to deal with and accept. Receiving so little in return is frustrating. Patience runs out. Repeat cycle. For my own situation, I can't reconcile loving this person, who seldom has a clue about their own behaviour, and leaving them no matter how little I get in return. They just don't have it in them to give back it seems.