I would like to thank all of you who have given me another perspective, and for providing invaluable support over the last 5 years. It means so much to have others to bounce ideas off of, without fear of being judged. I have found acceptance here...Thank You.
Now for my question.
How do I stop knee-jerk reacting to my fiance's actions and behaviors? "Just stop" is easier said than done. Things have been going well between us, even in this time of pandemic.
My fiance is a computer security expert, it has been his career for the past 8 years. He recently had RING security doorbells installed at his house--3 of them. He also installed one at my house for the front door. These doorbells have cameras, which allow the homeowner to see who is at the door, and communicate with the person without opening the door. He installed them because our other cameras failed.
When he came over to install my Ring cam, he linked his account to mine, via app on my phone, so that we could monitor each other's houses. Good idea, right? Yes and No. I found that the alert on my phone was going off every time he went out onto thr porch to sit in his rocking chair and smoke weed. ( A point of contention for me for those of you who have read my other posts. )
I had decided that he is gonna do what he's gonna do, damn the doctors. So I am no longer going to bring it up, he is 53 years old, and is responsible for his own health. So, I went into my app, and turned the notifications off for his "Porch" camera, so that I didn't get notified every time he was out there smoking. On his end, it notified him that I had turned the alerts off. He then changed the settings on just that camera to not viewable to me.
Because I turned off the notifications his reaction was to hide what he is doing. Same thing happened with Facebook. I was seeing so much B.S. from his "friends" and I didn't react well. He now has different groups on FB that he posts to, so that I cannot see every post he puts out there. My FB is an open book to him. I don't post to only certain people. If I cannot post it to everyone, I won't post it. I am connected to my son and daughter on FB, and if its something I wouldn't want them to see, I won't post it at all.
Any tips for me to not react? I'm normally good about this...must be the depression and stress that I've been under due to COVID, and isolating myself. I cannot be ticked off at him, he is just responding to my reaction.
Of course, I could have followed the old adage, one that I apply while perusing Facebook... "If You Don't Like It, Don't Look".