Oppositional behavior & ADHD - is there a link

Greetings community members!

One major challenge that I had with my now ex-husband, and an ongoing issue with our children, is argumentative, uncooperative, and sometimes downright defiant behavior.  This goes beyond procrastination. This is expressed is an argument or excessive questions and refusal to do even the simplest task.   For example, picking up empty water bottles from the floor of one's room. Or not putting wet towels on furniture. Whenever request is made, even in the nicest of terms such as "would you please pick up that wet towel and put it in the bathroom so it doesn't  where in the furniture" and argument will ensue and it won't happen. My children are now teenagers so I understand this is an element of the normal teenage years. But towards the end of our relationship the same behavior pattern developed with my now ex-husband, and I am afraid that he modeled that behavior as our relationship was failing.  He had  undiagnosed and untreated ADHD and I  descended into situational depression and despair.  I was the organizer of the family so I was always asking, and then nagging to try to get things done (I regret that I had not found "The ADHD Effect on Marriage" at this point). He developed a defensive attitude that extended to any request.  Now my children act the same way.   If I say "Can you please take the trash out?" it is never "Sure mom."  Or I get 20 questions about the request.  

So my question is whether this is part of the ADHD syndrome or a learned secondary behavior that develops as a consequence of the effect ADHD has on relationships. And how do I best handle it?  It makes intimate partners and parents crazy after awhile.

Thanks for responding!