Our therapist doesn't get it!!!!!

My husband and I have a wonderful, caring therapist with a doctoral degree who doesn't think our marriage issues are CAUSED by my husband's ADHD. He thinks his ADHD exacerbates the problems. He actually said that my husbands ADHD would enable him to hyper focus on me when I try to talk to him about a problem. I was stunned! I told him that in all the reading and research and all the people I've met through this forum, not one ever said that their husband's ADHD made them more likely to pay attention to them. EVERYONE seems to feel that their husbands deny, deflect, and defend themselves, or just run like hell in the other direction. Our therapist thinks my husband's horrible, abusive father caused my husband so much anxiety and that is why he runs for the hills at the slightest hint of confrontation. I do see his point there. My husband's father is a sociopath. Who's right? When I read melissa's book, it was like she was spying on my marriage. The blog she wrote back in sept. 2010 (I think) about getting husbands to realize the impact their ADHD has on their marriages really hit home, especially the part about defensivenes. I tried to get him to read it,but he just gave it a cursory read and dismissed it. I feel utterly helpless!