Shouldn't we wait?
I was working hard on what's in Delivered from Distraction and got hit with I want to be Delivered by Divorce from my wife. There are two small boys involved. The 5 year old is going to be tested for ADD this summer before kindergarten. The 9 year old has been formally diagnosed with ADD, and with over focused type.
Jimmy, the oldest, is in the fourth grade. He has, like his father, some very real issues with over-focused type ADD. He is currently taking all the advanced courses they can throw at him, and reads on a high school level. He is brilliant but also super sensitive, and has a very, very fragile sense of self esteem.
My wife requested judicial intervention in the proceedings and now a court appointed child's advocate is involved. His job involves interviewing the kids and responding to the judge. I heard the appointed gentlemen is a professional and is good at this job. I learned he is very fair and I am not really concerned with his speaking with either child. The kids have not yet been told that their parents are in divorce proceedings. It has all been happening very quickly.
Here's what I am concerned about. Jimmy has two months left of the fourth grade. His over-focused ADD already has him latch on to issues and not be able to drop them. He has done great on just fish oil, but I do not have a Dr. lined up if he needs to move to medication. Of the three psychiatrists I have spoken with, none have any familiarity with over focused type. I take fish oil and adderall and although the difference for me has been profound, I have been reluctant to medicate Jimmy. He is right on the threshold with the fish oil and since it has been working, he wasn't told about ADD. I was about to when I got hit with "papers".
We went to the Bronx Zoo this last weekend as a family and this marriage is worth saving. I am hopeful to that end, but I can only work on my 1/2 of the issues. I have to be primarily concerned with the welfare of the boys right now.
My wife has had little or no real involvement with the kids and the ADD issue. I've been, and will be, pretty much on my own. Would this boys interest be best served if we waited for two months before dropping this bomb on him? I would then have the summer to help him with the issues, and to get things set up for medication if needed. I'm scheduling appointments as fast as I can but this stuff takes time and some real consideration.
I just know (instinctively perhaps?) that with this news his school year just stops, and his experience in the fourth grade is done. He will not be able to do anything but spin on "what's wrong with my mom and dad" and make suppositions on how he can fix it. In a lot of ways he doesn't get to be a kid anymore and that's tragic.
I read you had informed your own kids about divorce so I apologize if this is a hard issue. I would appreciate your opinion and any advise you can offer, on whether it would be best to wait until the school year is over.
Thank you for this site.