I am dating ADHD boyfriend for 1 year, despite the ups and downs, I love him so much. I always blame it's his ADHD behavior drives me nut. Recently I found I am the clingy one who possibly getting obsessive. I don't know what to do.
Just a quick background of my story, I don't have much experience in relationship, he is the only long term/serious one I've ever have. As a characteristic of ADHD - hyper focus, we spent so much time together in the beginning of the relationship. I am madly in love that he is my world my everything. We did so many interesting things together, traveling, trying out new things and I stay over in his place regularly. Of course in between, there is times he got emotion swing and anger issue. But we got it through I keep telling myself it's ADHA not him.
Last week he got really stressed at work, he shut down himself, disappear, isolated himself. He text me said he is busy, and later called me in anger saying he is busy why I can't stop harassing him. I am shocked - harassing? I call/email/text to show I care for you so much you call it harass? He used to call me everyday one day, it stops abruptly so I check - in case he is unwell or anything - that's "harassment"? And I found that he keeps updating his fb, perhaps he is busy at work but definitely not THAT busy??? I am upset - I did nothing wrong. Why I have to suck it up all his rude ADHD behavior?
As usual I tell myself to be considerate and understanding - it's his ADHA, not him. I talk to my friend about my frustration. All I ask for from him is to connect, at least one call a day, is that too much? it that so hard??? I feel so worthless when disconnect from him. I feel being penalized for wrongdoing. My friend said "don't you think you are too clingy? it's not ADHA, a normal man needs his own time." I CAN give him space but what I ask for is not disconnect, disappear without reason that leaves me worried. Why can't he do this for me?
Then I google some relationship blog, I was shock that I could be the crazy one to ask for attention, overly attached all the time. It's a bit hard for me to change as I am very dependent on him - but my point it, he made this happen by giving me hyper attention during our dates, he made me fall in love with him crazily. He turned me into a super caring person who remind him on chores and turns it to my responsibility to take care of him. Now he build up his wall all of a sudden that he needs time himself. I am going through two extremes, either a center of him or abandoned. Does anyone feel the same way?
I know at the end of the day, I love him. I know he loves me. I trust him. I want to make our relationship work but I am not good at handle my frustration and loneliness. Is that because of ADHA or just me?