I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30's, and with the diagnoses, allot of my life came into focus, and it did not look good. I receive mental health care through Veteran Affairs, and they will not treat me with medication. I have such a difficult time being present in the moment I miss so much when it comes to my wife, and to a lesser extent my daughter (my daughter and I are hyperactive over the same activities).  

My wife and I have the same fights every few months, all of which has to do with my inattentiveness and hyperactivity. She feels alone and unloved when it goes unchecked. I see the pain it is causing her, but I don't usually see it until after the fight is over, and I feel horrible and self-destructive. I used to cut reminders into my arms and legs to “slow down” and “Stay Focused”, as all my other strategies failed. This does not help and breaks trust even more.  

Once the fight is over the brakes get slammed, I go back to all my checklists, making sure to hit every box so I don't cause my wife more pain, but risks becoming systematic. I do well for a month or so (my best estimate) then I grow so exhausted because the lists are endless and everything spirals. I have no idea how to find balance, or where to even begin, it's like I've been dropped in the ocean and told to find land on my own. 

My wife is loving and compassionate and will help in whatever I manage to come up with, but I'm always trying to do everything alone, she tells me this is my battle to fight, and to do better. She is aware my doctors won't treat me for anything other than my PTSD/Depression, but still wants me to find solutions, and fight the good fight. I need to find a way that is more sustainable and need help on where to start. 

Thank you for reading and I appreciate any help someone can provide.