I'm recently diagnosed ADHD, my 18 yr old is diagnosed ADHD and my bf is ADD since childhood.
When I met my bf he told me he was ADD. I didn't know anything about it and he seemed like a GREAT guy and I fell in love. He still IS a great guy but it turns out he lied about his financial life... a complete disaster. And somehow as bad as it was when I met him, it's only gotten worse. His truck was repo'd and he's getting letters from the IRS but he does absolutely nothing about any of it. What's going to happen if I marry him?? I want to... I've wanted to marry him for a long time. Before he came along and at one time, I had literally perfect credit. I had to juggle bills but I paid them and on time. Over the years as things in my life changed, it became harder to keep up and I started to slip. My financial life may have gone south but wow, there are things I never knew.
Like how to get your bank account closed unwillingly because you find yourself with overdrafts that you can't cover. I've had 2 closed, he's had 2 or 3. One of mine was because I paid a bill when I thought I had enough money but was like $5 negative and he had almost no income at the time and I didn't have enough for all of us and next thing you know, my account is racking up overdraft fees and I owe like $350. Which is total bs but hey, it was my fault to begin with. They closed my account and sent my info to a collection agency. We don't have cable anymore, can't afford it. Internet and cell phones are routinely disconnected. I spent years taking care of all these things and making sure everything was paid but I finally burned out.
My doc put me on anxiety meds just to get me thru the day. Just to try to deal with my son and my bf. They refuse to be adults so I have to. My bf has never once paid rent in the 10 yrs we've been together. He has never once written a check. But in the house we're in now, he has a mancave and I have no personal space at all. He sleeps in the bedroom but snores so I sleep on the couch. And when he gets mad he throws personal insults but after years of that I finally threw some back and now whenever he gets mad he brings that up and is all wounded. And with no regard whatsoever for the things he's said to me.
My son is disrespectful to the core. He doesn't follow house rules at all. When he yells at me I tell him he needs to move out. He has done this countless times. He moves out and comes back several days or a few weeks later. He bangs on the door or rings the doorbell relentlessly. Our dogs go nuts and he is absolutely incapable of listening to reason or admitting that he has done anything wrong. And even though the house rules have been in place almost his entire life, he insists that he doesn't know what they are and routinely breaks them.
My bf has been a huge advocate for my son but now that my son is grown, I'm the adult for both of them AND my 22 yr old spec needs son.
Sometimes the cloud seems to lift and I manage to reach both of them and we talk and it seems like things are finally going to be ok but then it always goes back to rock bottom. I love my bf. I feel like he's my forever guy. And of course I love my son but he has turned into someone I don't even know anymore.
Today was really bad. My teenager did his usual. My bf didn't pay the water bill and it got shut off. And I was home all day. I actually called the water company wanting to know why the water pressure had trickled to a stop. Last month it was the electric.
I hope that I will reread this post in the near future and say, wow, I'm sure glad it's not like THAT anymore but for now it is. And I am stressed to the core and completely overwhelmed.
ps My bf got home while I was finishing up this post. I was mad about the water and he actually started talking to me. I told him I would take back the responsibility of paying the bills but he'd have to cut up his one and only debit card, live on an allowance and not complain to me when he ran out of money before the week is up. He was more than happy to do it. It's the first time we've ever done this so wish us luck.