Hi. I (30M, diagnosed ADHD) and my girlfriend (36F) have had multiple arguments over this and I want to see if I’m being unreasonable. For background, my girlfriend and I have very different "social battery" levels, with her almost constantly having plans and me wanting a lot of alone time. We frequently butt heads regarding this and I usually end up having to go to every event unless I'm ill (which does happen frequently - I also get migraines once or twice a week).
For the past month, I’ve had very little alone time due to a combination of multiple trips and work. I flew to visit my sister and infant nephew for a week, came back, and then a few days later my girlfriend and I left on a two week trip that my girlfriend planned to visit her relatives across the country as well as a week exploring a rural area. When we came back, I had to work for several days, and then on the Saturday after returning we had to drive to her parents house to pick up our dogs (which they were very kindly watching during our trip), which took up the whole day.
On the Sunday, I wanted to have basically a day off from doing anything, because I haven’t been able to for several weeks now, however my girlfriend had RSVPed to two separate pool parties for two of her friend’s children that would take up all day. When Sunday morning came, I was extremely irritable and snapped at my girlfriend about something petty. We had a huge argument and ended up both being upset for the first party. When we got home, I basically went into a full shutdown mode and cried for the entire time before we had to leave for the next party.
A few days ago we argued about this again and I told her that 1. I need some days to myself to recharge, more than most other people do and 2. it’s unfair that I don’t even get a choice whether to go to events like this with her friends or not. I told her that I want to be able to compromise on going to these events, because sometimes I do just need a break. She told me that I don’t get a choice for these events because it’s important to her that she and I get to spend time with her friends. She also reminded me that her ex never went to these events with her, and that she was not willing to be in another relationship like that. At this point, I exploded (which I admit is wrong). I told her that I haven’t been able to see my friends for an entire year at this point because we always have something scheduled every single day off and that the friend group we were seeing that day barely even treat me like a person when I’m near them. She gave me the silent treatment afterwards and I apologized the next day. She agreed that that weekend we wouldn’t schedule anything and I’d finally have a day off. I agreed, but then on Saturday she demanded we have a date night and on Sunday she wouldn’t leave me alone all day and complained when I kept moving to another room. She also got upset when I went to my PC to play games with my family.
To be honest, I’m reaching my wits end with this. I’m now running on 5+ weeks without a single day to myself and am at my breaking point. Any insight from those who've dealt with similar in the past would be super helpful, from both sides.