Overwhelming sadness

After 20 years of marriage, I'm not sure we're going to make it.  My ADD spouse (I wish he had the "H", then maybe something would get done!) has been my 3rd child for too long.  I don't want to do this to my kids but I'm just not sure that I can survive.  I am so sad.  We've been in counseling, supposedly with the best.  It just costs sooo much, takes sooo long and rarely gets to the heart of the matter.  There are very few options for real support.  I've read books, read blogs, gone to groups.  He does little of it.  He's medicated, at my urging, which only seems to help him hyperfocus even more.  He's wed to his computer and thinks I need an anger management course.  I am tired of managing work, house, kids (one of whom has ADHD, attachment and behavioral issues and both of whom are on IEP's), his family, life.  I have given up who I am to try to create a family for us.  I, frankly, don't know where to turn.