As you may know, I taught college for a couple years as a visiting faculty member. I adjuncted for a few years during grad school, but promised myself I would not be one of those people who continues to adjunct years after they complete their doctorates.
This is from a recent Chronicle of Higher Education article talking about the toll of adjuncting:
"The grief of not finding a home in higher ed — of having done everything as well as I was capable of doing, and having it not pan out; of being told over and over how well I was doing and how much my contributions mattered, even as the prize was withheld — consumed more than a decade. It affected my physical health. It affected my mental health. It ended my first marriage. It reopened all my fears from childhood about abandonment and rejection." https://www.chronicle.com/interactives/2019-03-27-childress
As I read this, I realized it also described my family life--being told how much I am valued and respected, but not actually being treated with consideration and respect. Quite often, it is the H in ADHD that prevents family members from being respectful in the moment. Whatever thought comes into their heads--even if motivated by rage at someone other than the target--has to be said or acted upon right then and there without any further reflection. This creates incredible conative dissonance when I am told, "Of course we respect you!"