I'm really hoping someone might be able to offer me some words of wisdom.
Firstly let me start by saying my husband and I are very much in love, and have been together for 18 years, very happily married for 12 of them, not so happily the last 2. Our marriage has been really pushed to the limits the last 2 years by some issues caused by a narcissistic member of his family. To cut a long story short, those issues and the 2 years of therapy we have done together have led us both to strongly suspect, if not be convinced that he has adhd, though he has not had an official diagnosis.
Having both listened to Melissa's incredible audiobook, this has confirmed this in our minds, as bar the sex issues, and job issues (he is in a very high paced job as an IT project Manager and Head of the Change team so has a very stimulating, mind meant to be full of a 100 things role that plays to his strengths!) it is like reading the book of US! This newfound understanding has been life changing, an I make so many accommodations in my thoughts for his traits that have always hurt me - as I now realize he just forgets rather than that he doesn't care - its fantastic.
The stumbling block I find, that I cant get over as it's not something that I can actively change myself, is that he has no stop button. He wants to say yes to every event or party invitation that we get. Our social group of close friends has a common love of music, and clubbing and also live nearly 2 hours away from us so most of these invitations are to all night events, or parties that would be too far for us to go to and come back in the same day, with distance to travel that knocks out pretty much the whole weekend every time we do it. You may be thinking how fun this sounds, and how boring I sound but we have an 11 year old daughter who is left with relatives every time! That's not to mention the other commitments we have at home (we have a house that requires a lot of maintenance). I'm so fed up of feeling like the fun police, and I don't want to be the only one in our relationship who thinks of these things, he has been out and left our daughter for the whole weekend 3 out of the last 4 weekends (me for 2 of them) and is then complaining that Ive said we should go to a party which would mean leaving her again for the whole weekend this weekend, not to mention we have a ton of house stuff that needs doing. He only sees is as we 'could' go as his parents would babysit her, there is no thought to whether we 'should'. He just gets carried away.
What compounds this problem even further is that he then resents me for being the one that stops the fun.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom please? I'd be very grateful as I feel lost on this one, is medication the only thing that can work on curbing his over enthusiasm? I feel we can probably manage other symptoms without it, though this I just cant see a way that this one will change?