Me (34F) and my ex boyfriend (33M, dx ADHD during childhood ) have been exclusively dating for 7 months. On the first day we met, he already asked if we could date exclusive into which I agreed because I am looking for a serious and lasting relationship. As we date, I noticed his closeness to other women, one he has a female best friend who he dated before and second, another woman who he said is just a friend. I established my boundary that talking to a lot of women daily is unacceptable to me and meeting them in private is also disrespectful. He said he minimized talking to them and met them seldom. But the second woman was always the one I had a feeling has feelings for him more than a friend.
Fast forward this September, I got angry at him for not answering his phone. He was not the calling guy and only does videocalls because I am used to doing it with family and friends. I got a feeling he is with another woman or is doing something in hiding. I went to his house and told him I am mad as he has been ignoring my calls minutes after our last message. He has been doing it before too but this time I got extremely emotional about it. As we were talking, I saw some pills on his table and to my surprise, one was a contraceptive pill. I was mad as hell and asked him to whom it belongs. After that he told me everything. That the second woman slept at his place last night and also slept there 7 or more times since we dated. He also told me he dated this woman before me! I was so angry that I told him to message the woman and tell her not to meet again! I slapped him and punch him on the shoulder and said a lot of awful things! I was so mad all I can think of is call him names. He said the reason he did that was because sometimes when I am not around he needs someone to be there. That he is empty inside and nothing really reached his heart. He said they never had sex while the two of us are dating but they took a bath together and cuddled which I told him was disgusting! I asked him more than 10 times if they had sex or not because I am worried of contacting STD to which he consistently answered no they didn’t have sex because to him, she is not as attractive as I am.
We get back together then he broke up with me because he said he can’t forgive himself for what he did and that he needed to find himself. He was crying so hard the day I found out he was lying. He even cried more after that, even while we were dojng groceries, he would cry. He promised to never lie again and not do it again but he needed to heal before going into a relationship. He broke up with me but then asked if I could wait for him until he figures himself.
H told me he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was young. I never gave it a thought so much but when all these happened, I searched and read a lot about ADHD. He also was diagnosed with depression and had anxiety throughout our relationship. My question is:
1. could it be that because of his ADHD he made impulsive actions with another woman and may also be the woman stimulates him more because they have the same hobbies and likes? He also said they are both lonely and different so they relate to each other
2. When he told me he loves me and wants to build a family did he mean it or he just said that to please me because he knows having a family is one of my dreams.
3. When he said he won’t lie and do it again did he mean it or there’s a big possibility he would do it again?
4. Should I wait for him or just let him go?
I need help for clarity! Thanks in advance everybody!