Partner with severe ADHD

Hi all, I've recently joined as some of the posts I've read seemed to be really helpful. 

Im currently partner to someone who was diagnosed  ADHD from a very young age. When we had first met I was aware of his ADHD, but it didn't seem a problem, it was exciting fun and we got on so well! As time has gone on it seems to be alot more of a struggle for us/me. I have ADHD in my family too so it didn't bother me much, however I've realised as time has gone on and the more emotionally involved you get it's much more of a struggle. 

It is literally like being on a rollercoaster and sometimes it feels as though he is two completely different people. On one hand he is such an amazing, caring person who would do anything for anyone, he treats me better than anyone has. We get on so well it's nothing but laughter! On the other hand he's like a completely different person, I know nothing other than to describe it as a 'meltdown' he will literally cut me out of his life completely,

completely just ignore me, act like i don't exist, like I don't matter - this can happen from anything between and hour to a week. As we got more comfortable/close he started to open up a lot more - he often tells me he can't cope, his brain is going to fast for his body, he doesn't feel we should do this anymore as he's ruined his own life and doesn't want to ruin mine too, things like he wishes someone could shake him . On the outside he doesn't seem to have any issues in his life but that's very different on the inside - the further we've got I understand a lot more and try to support him but unfortunately it seems like that's having an effect on me too. I try to understand and not make his life any more difficult than it is as  I know he suffers from anxiety too. On our first holiday we had the most amazing time, it was like a different world - the minute we got back to reality it was like immediate meltdown. After he's had his time away and back with a level head we seem to be on a even path, he often tells me he can't imagine his life without me, over Christmas was amazing and he'll often express to his family ect that I put up with a lot, I'm a good girl ect but it seems when he has these episodes that means nothing. 

My friends have noticed a change with me and hate to see me upset, they don't understand ADHD and I get it, I get they don't want to see me upset. Unfortunately your friends are your 'go to' when things get a little rough, but as they don't understand they don't understand why I stick with it so it's hard to talk to, or when things get better they don't understand why I do what I do. I can't put into words all the bumps we've hit as we'd be here forever. 

Recently it has been more difficult as I knew he wasn't feeling great we'd still see each other, but he was a lot more snappy, treated me as though I meant nothing which I was struggling with, part of me though it would probably be better if he actually cut me out for a couple of days because it seemed worse being around someone you felt didn't want to be around you. When I did see him next he kept pointing out I was quiet. I had to try and act normal but I just couldn't I was quiet, out for dinner trying to be 'me' but had so much on my mind, so much I wanted to say, but didn't as I didn't know how he would take it, after dinner when his sister left I brought it up, first he got on the defence but seemed  to calm down a little and listen. The next day (yesterday) he contacted and actually apologised and said he just needed some space, he's going through a rough time and it isn't anything to do with me (isn't unusual) I'm absolutely fine with this - whatever he needs to get his head straight I'm fine with. 

The hardest part is wanting things to change, deal with things better but not knowing if they will.