Passivity

I live in a state of perpetual anger, sadness, and loneliness and find this site frustrating. Why? Because the information though very good and right on the mark, however it is useless in this household. It doesn't seem to make a dent in my husbands behavior or attitude. There is a lot of lip service about "communicating better, paying attention to me, doing what he says..." but there is a consistent lack of action. How can any of this stuff work if the words only penetrate through the eyes and not into the brain or heart. I am ready to scream and wish I could run away. I've been married for 22 years and am almost ready to give up. My husband doesn't have whatever it is to commit himself to basically anything. He's willing to continue living this way for the rest of our lives. If anyone can help I'm listening.

Decide what you want to do

Decide what you want to do with your life, what kind of person you want to be.  Not because everything or most things are your fault; they're not.  But because with ADHD, even more so than many conditions, the condition itself is a barrier to the person with the condition making changes.  I'm still frustrated with my husband but much more comfortable with myself these days.  I know that I've made attempts to help; that they have been rejected is not my fault or responsibility.  I can, however, help myself.

This site is good, isn't it

Hokeepoke, vent away.  You are entitled.  Your DH sounds frustrating.  I understand.  This is a good place to get it out and be heard.  My months of ranting and expressing my outrage has helped me to find clarity.  In my case, it wasn't so much the ADD but the attitude of "take it or leave it" rather than "let's work together to be the best we can be".

Rosered,  Keep going in the good direction you are going.  You are sounding strong.  One step back, two steps forward. Have faith in life again.  Bring love and health back into your life.  Nurture a life of peace and beauty.  

You are not the only one.

I could have written your post.  My husband's passiveness is one of the most frustrating parts of his ADD for me to deal with.  It drives me literally insane sometimes.  He has never had a problem holding a job and has been very successful in that regard.  He owns his own business and gets things done for his customers.  However, at home it's like he is completely blind to what needs to get done, not to mention what all I do get done.  I feel invisible most days.  It is maddening.  I wish some magic advice for you, but all I can say is I empathize and you are not the only one living with this situation.