Permission to expect an equal partnership

The Bible I grew up on had quote after quote about how a woman should "obey" her husband as head of the house. Timothy and Paul especially demanded that a woman "stifle" and "submit" and be quiet because the woman was made "for" the man.  THIS is one of the main reasons I have been weak and do not like myself in my marriage.  I tried so hard to be a good girl and looked to the Bible for direction.  Now at this age and having had the experience in marriage as I did, I have to say that those passages lined me up for failure and I must look at the Bible as a 21st Century woman and say that some things were written by Jewish/Roman/Grecian laws of the land rather than from a loving God who loves me and I must throw them out and be wary of old views that I had taken upon myself to follow.  Timothy and Paul were especially insistant about a "woman's place".  And I was taught as a young girl that the Bible was written by God and not to question it.  I took it WAY to far and lived by every word and nuance.  I think many people, women AND men are like me and it makes some of us weak and/or entitled in a bad way.

It is helpfpul for me to substitute some words in my own head to give myself permission to make judgments of situations with a healthier attitude for myself and my children. So I post the following.  I would have thought this sacreligious in my youth to take liberty with the Holy Bible's writings but I have memorized so many things that were hurtful to me as a woman.  I don't want to believe that God wants me to sit quietly and be hurt and discarded as having no value except as I can serve a man. Especially in putting myself in surrender to a man whose goals and interests are to be a silly imp and free of responsibilities. I must take into consideration that the Bible is written by men/for men. Some words have been substituted by me for me to have the permission to expect and view marriage to actually work for the family, not just for the man.

A husband of noble character is his wife's crown, but a disgraceful husband is like decay in her bones. Proverbs 12:4

An excellent husband who can find? He is far more precious than jewels. The heart of his wife trusts in him, and she will have no lack of gain. He does her good, and not harm, all the days of her life. He seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. He is like the ships of the merchant; He brings her food from afar. ... Proverbs 31: 10-31

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome husband. Proverbs 21:9

The man Folly is loud; he is seductive and knows nothing. Proverbs 9:13

Wisdom will save you from the immoral man, from the seductive words of the promiscuous man. Proverbs 2:16