Personalizing husband's rejection

My husband has ADD.  Our marriage has been on the brink of divorce for the last five years.  We have attended counseling, etc.  Some things have improved.  However, the core issue of my husband not wanting to be vulnerable and put himself out there remains.  I am unsure we can get past this issue and I am realizing I will either have to live with it or leave him.  He is very self-centered and hardly ever acknowledges my needs.  He withholds his love and affection, because he doesn't want to be the first one to put himself out there and risk rejection.  I am growing increasingly tired of being the one always putting myself out there to be ignored by him.  He goes to bed without holding me or talking to me.  It's been seven weeks since we had sex.  He believes hugging me is all the work he needs to do and I should be the one to then make the next move.  He barely talks to me, but then gets upset when I make plans without him.  He wants to be close, but doesn't want to put himself out there.  I often personalize his behavior and feel like I am not worthy enough or I did something wrong and that's why he doesn't love me.  It's hard to sleep next to someone who is suppose to love you, but won't even acknowledge you.  It causes me anxiety.  I've tried to let things go and say in my head, give him time.  But I give him time and he still does nothing.  He's depressed and finally switched to Wellbutrin.  Which I believe is somewhat helping with his forgetfulness.  He can't take meds for ADD, because it makes him very angry.  I am also growing tired of hearing that he is changing for me and I'm the one forcing him to change.  He doesn't see any of his changes as being positive, but as being a sacrifice.  He was addicted to porn and had a borderline addiction with alcohol.  He shoves it in my face that I am the one who made him quit.  However, when I say if you want to do those things fine, but you are not living with me if you do, he stays.  Even my son gets hurt when he is ignored, so I know that I am just not being overly sensative.  When I tell him that I am hurt that he never texts me, hugs me, talks to me, he just says I can't hear your feelings because I cant be concerned with your feelings.  He says I need to focus on myself and can't be concerned about your needs.  I get that to an extent, however, at some point he needs to address how his behavior effects me.  He will never just say, I hear what your saying and I understand that and will try to do what you need.  If he said that, our relationship would be totally different.  That's what makes all of this feel so stupid.  But I need to feel important. I'm sick of feeling alone.  I just don't know how not to.  How do others deal with being ignored and not take it personally?  How do you continue to put yourself out there when you feel rejected?  How to you deal with someone who constantly "whines" about problems, but is never willing to do what they need to do to change them?