I have no idea how I got to this place in life. I am a woman with ADHD and I found myself physically abusing my husband tonight. A significant event regarding our child began an evening long verbal battle, then helpful discussion, then a physical attack on him. (up and down just like my mood) God bless him, he did not hit back or kick me out. I need to know if there are other women out there who are like me. I need to know how to "turn it off".
I am currently taking 20 mg of Adderall 3xday and 300 mg of Wellburtrin. I see an ADHD specialist, who is a psychologist, one time a week. I have a masters degree in social work and have worked in abusive situations. Yet somehow, I have jeopardized my marriage once again. I want to have the ability to have a reasonable adult discussion with my spouse but emotions always overtake my abilities to create thoughtful arguments and convey legitimate concerns. On the surface, he thinks I want to "win". Truth be known, I want him to be able to jump inside my mind and "understand". I repeat to him over and over "just listen to me". But when I feel that he does not want to listen, I attack. I really don't even know why and get absolutely no satisfaction from it.
I know that verbal abuse is common in relationships with one spouse diagnosed with ADHD. I have tried to read through countless blogs of those who deal with an ADHD spouse. But, I haven't been able to find anything on women physically attacking their husbands. This has happened more than once for me and I'm concerned that there is something else going on with me. My psychologist reassures me that it is my ADHD.
I love my husband. He is a good man. How do I even approach him to say I'm sorry. He's tired of hearing it and I don't blame him. I try to show him through my actions...I've gotten on medication, I'm getting counseling, I've even been working hard to have more quality time with my children. I am so desperate and lonely.