Submitted by Libby on 10/20/2018.
The thread on demanding sex got me thinking. My DH is very demanding with sex but he is also very focused on his other physical needs(wants). He has a huge appetite can eat anytime anywhere. Literally eats us out of house and home. Also demanding and thoughtless about what he wants in that area.
He seems to require little sleep at night but can fall asleep anytime anywhere.
Too much info but he is obsessed with his bowel movements. Has a total freak out if he is constipated. Blames me for it if you can believe it. What is with this?!?
His physical comfort is his top priority. He must be very sensitive to how he is feeling physically.
I wish I could be as self focused as he is.....
I agree with the respect for
Submitted by Libby on
I agree with the respect for what can not be helped and I have bent over backwards to accommodate his quirks. The key here is the word mutual. The world however does not revolve around him and his wishes. In many ways I have created a monster by submitting to his demands. The demands for a rigid menu for suppers. Just because he wants potatoes every night doesn't mean the rest if the family does. Just because he wants to get up at 5 every morning and be in bed by 9 doesn't mean the rest of the family does. So extremely self focused especially with his physical stuff. It's like he cannot separate himself from anyone else. He sees what he wants and that should be what the rest of us want too. Hell to pay if we disagree. That doesn't seem to mutual to me.
Of course we cannot over rule
Submitted by Libby on
Of course we cannot over rule our bodies but we can control our reactions to what life throws us. No need to take frustrations out on those who live with you.
An individual's "needs" might
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
An individual's "needs" might be natural; that does not make them the equivalent of a biological process such as menstruation. Now if you mean that a woman's desire to not have sex while menstruating is equivalent to a man's desire to have sex whenever he wants, I agree, those are both natural.
I don't agree that having sex
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I don't agree that having sex with another person is an unavoidable bodily function. The urges presumably can be met with masturbation. I don't think any person's desire to have sex outweighs any other person's desire not to, whether the individuals are of different sexes or the same sex.
I still think that sex should
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I still think that sex should be a mutual thing between two people who are committed to each other.
Treating me as if I'm just a receptacle that he can use so he can " get his release" is ridiculous. I'm not a prostitute.
I rarely got what I wanted in my marriage sexually either. I wasn't treated like a human being most of the time. In fact the only reason why my ex paid attention to me or showed me any affection at all was when he wanted sex .
I wasn't the one pouting and sulking like a spoiled child when I didn't get my way.
PoisonIvy...You example is an opinion...
Submitted by c ur self on
Just reading this thread...You are sharing opinions...Opinions based on human thinking will always come up short of reaching unity, between two or more...Human's most always lean to their own selfish view points....
There is no goal to reach with opinions...There is no absolutes....So our attempts to reach agreement, becomes very limited... Because our human opinions will always be skewed by our weakness, our desires, our pasts. (baggage).....
When we make our own right and wrongs in our lives, and marriage relationships, based on the above list, we shouldn't expect much unity and agreement....
c
I understand that many men
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I understand that many men think their desire for sexual intercourse overrides women's desire and right to not consent. Less common the other way, but that also happens. These are both statements of fact. It is my opinion (generally supported by the law) that person A's desire to have sexual intercourse does not have priority over person B's desire not to.
I understand your opinion PI; and I respect it as yours....
Submitted by c ur self on
I try to limit living by skewed human opinions....What I think, and what my wife thinks about intercourse and physical needs in marriage has very little bearing on me...Because I know selfishness will always drive it, If we are basing it on carnal thinking or fleshly weakness.....I personally base it on Holy Scripture....I know the creator who designed me and my wife, (and loves us) know's what his idea for two being one was....Since time began....So the following verse's is where I look to, and pray for God to mold me and my wife by....
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
These truths matter to true believers...Non-believers probably had rather stick to their own thinking....
c
Bitterness comes about when we can't have what we want....
Submitted by c ur self on
And what we want (or should want) is just what they promised....
My experience with bitterness....When we feel wronged, lied to, abandoned, it's easy to turn bitter, if we don't step back and actually see (know) the person (their life choices, and the ability they show daily to honor their word, even in the little things) we are putting our faith in, vow or no vow....
I think I've moved past bitterness (delivered from it) with my spouse because there is not much that would surprise me. (few expectations). I'm not saying i don't think she is trust worthy in many area's of life...I'm just saying based on 10 years of observing her behaviors (selfish acts) it has limited me from emotionally investing in her at a level that she can shock me any longer...
When a H or W excuses themselves in most every facet of life...(their choices) no matter the effect on their spouse...It's just better to not allow your heart to place faith in that person, to do differently than you are already observing....It's fools gold, and the road to anger and bitterness....Self inflicted pain....
c
Thank you, c ur self
Submitted by Jane Doe on
Hi Jane....
Submitted by c ur self on
I've just wanted to learn and share things, that can help us to love (w/ the love of Christ) and keep our hearts tender, without enabling wrong behaviors....I'm somewhat of a type A personality, (love closeness, fellowship and intimacy) and it has been difficult for me to not jump in an offer advice and direction when it may not be possible for her, or she just don't want to hear my thoughts (closed mind)...I'm having to learn, that only produces self inflicted pain, and conflict....I'm learning I have to play the hand I'm dealt..."What is actually possible between us, based on each of our reality"?....And not attempt to force or even point out my thoughts, when she doesn't desire them or is offended by them.....
As my Sister, I give you my permission to correct and encourage me, if you see me turning victim, instead of Thankful;).....I'm glad you are here....It's amazing isn't it??...It's like many of us have been looking in each other windows..LOL...
Our spouse's don't produce our Joy, nor can they take it away!
I pray you have wonderful and blessed day!
c
Self-Inflicted Pain
Submitted by Jane Doe on
Thank you for your thoughts. You are correct about self-inflicted pain and conflict. I have often inflicted pain upon myself just by saying something, or responding to something that he has said. It is hard to communicate with someone who seems to be oppositional or in denial about certain things. I guess one just has to keep their mouth shut a lot of the time ....or reap the consequences. Right now my stress level is at a low. I want God's grace to be sufficient for me, but it's hard to know how to implement that sometimes - especially when you feel like you can't take anymore mind games. Thank you for listening.
God bless you, and I hope you have a wonderful day too.
Jane
I understand...
Submitted by c ur self on
It's very difficult to keep our eye's on what is possible, rather than what we committed to be for each other (Godly marriage)...But, I've had to learn, (still learning everyday) no matter if it's out of their control or not, (mental illness) the results are most always the same, when I try to communicate and interact based on my convictions to the marriage union...I can't place expectations for her to self discipline based on her wedding vows....Or I end up angry, or w/ my feelings hurts...(Blurt it out and think about it latter...If at all)....Yep...We must realize they are looking at life in a much different lens....We can deal on it if we want to...But, I am at my best, (at peace, and thankful) when I keep my eye's on the savior....
c