I have been married for 28 years and only after seeing the Today Show piece on having a spouse with ADHD did it click with what was going on in my marriage. My husband is kind and well-loved by everyone but me. Living with him and managing him, his mouth, his inability to be on time, manage our finances, have anything but a parallel conversation, and generally fulfill his role as a partner has, in my opinion, ruined my health. The stress level of not being able to count on him, run interference for him and clean up his messes in his personal life and in his business have caused me to crash and burn. I had a dvt 6 years ago and just recently had 2 herniated discs replaced in my neck. I'm exhausted and discouraged and falling apart emotionally and physically (I was an SEC athlete in the late 1970s)- all while trying to launch my own business. After a bad blowup yesterday (he misplaced his camera, accused our 25-year-old son for stealing and hocking it, had everyone literally tear up the house for 2 hours - then he found it on the OTHER closet shelf on which he swears he didn't put it) I retreated and am finally considering divorce.
A tiny part of me is telling me to try again (we've seen a marriage counselor and he is unmonitored on vyvance) but the other part of me is very fearful that staying to work this out could possibly cost me my life. There is a very high correlation between stress and health problems, and it is a fact that living with a spouse with ADHD is indeed very very stressful.