Please help

   I think it may be possible that while my husband knows he has ADD he doesn't think that it affects him much or that he can control it, like he is in denial. The more I read about people's stories/struggles with this disorder the more I recognize similarities in Rick. I email him these stories and I ask, is this how you feel? I do this in an effort to understand him better, and hopefully help him feel better by relating to these inspirational stories, like he is not alone but he always denies any similarities/connection and he gets angry so I have stopped.He says he knows that I am trying to help him, that this is coming from a place of love but he doesn't react to it that way.

   Communication between us is like being in a funhouse, smoke and mirrors, completely ineffective. It makes me feel like I am crazy. I have always been a very good communicator, my job depends on it but I get so turned around and confused when Rick and I argue that I end up exhausted and feeling like nothing has been resolved. I am so worried because I am not sure the counselor fully understands, it is so hard to explain and it feels like Rick is not being honest with me, the counselor, or himself. He knows all the right things to say when we are in counseling, he has projected all of the issues I have with him onto me. When confronted with a problem he doesn't answer the question but instead tries to find fault with me. I am genuinely making a real effort here, I want this to work but I feel like I have no control over it, like we are in this crazy spin, I try to slow it down so we can see things better but it just spins faster and faster. Please help, do you have any advice?

It is really hard to explain

It is really hard to explain communication issues with my ADD husband, but smoke and mirrors is a good description. My experience has been the same, completely ineffective. He's good with light social banter but, true communication about important matters is nonexistent.

At the start of our marriage I was supposedly always starting trouble which caused me to question myself and my motives. It took me years to figure out that I was reacting to his unprovoked anger. It helped to respond in a calm manner. It takes a huge amount of effort to keep him focused on the subject. Of course I had to muster up lots of self control and change my own personality to help keep things from escalating. It has helped to distance myself and create boundries for what territory is all his and I'm stuck with the rest because I'm tired of fighting.

We've been married for about 28 years. Only the last five or so he has been on Concerta and an antidepressant and that has helped. It was odd how he figured out what was wrong with him. The TV was on (as usual) and a show like 20/20 was interviewing a young man who was setting fires to homes in his neighborhood. My husband said "Hey! That's me!" and went to the library the very next day to get a book about Adult ADD. He came home with a book by Lyn Weiss. His "personality" was listed all on one page! I had a heck of a time finding a doctor who would even address adult ADD. Unfortunately, he consulted with his sisters and they convinced him that it was me who had the problem and he canceled the appointment. Thankfully, he finally did decide to see a psychiatrist who prescribed something that day. Right away, the meds took effect and he was amazed at how much more productive he became at work. Of course, I'm still the one who had problems long before he ever met me... 

If your husband feels like he could have ADD he still has to decide for himself about seeing someone who can prescribe medication for him. I was glad to find a psychiatrist who did not require extensive testing and just spoke with him about the symptoms he was having.

That's been my experience, hope it helps...

I feel exactly the same

I feel exactly the same way.  My husband is in total denial.  Trying to talk to him, makes me feel crazy because we just go round and round and it's like he doesn't hear what I am saying.  I am making an appointment with a counselor but what if he isn't honest with them?  He is in such denial.