Submitted by mariaaz on 07/18/2008.
I am a woman with ADHD. My husband and I have been together for over 5 years and I think my ADHD has now brought him to the point where we are about to split up over it. I have no family close by and no friends to turn to and I don't know what to do. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 4 years ago, after a lifetime of thinking I was crazy. Since I have been academically successful (I am in the final stages of my PhD) I have never sought counselling and no one ever suggested it; all of the resources that my university-based doctors offered were aimed at helping improve academic performance, an area in which I have never struggled outwardly. My husband has often complained that I push him away and that I am always negative and depressed (which is true). I have zero self-confidence and self-esteem and have never figured out how to make friends or talk to people, so he has had to shoulder that burden alone. I only just realized (in reading Sari Solden's book) that many of these symptoms are associated with ADHD and that ADHD affects far more than just academic ability and concentration. I desperately want to improve and learn how to live with this, but I fear it is too late to save my relationship with the man that I love more than anything else in the world. I just found out that my husband has developed feelings for another woman, one that we both work with (we work together, and have done for most of our relationship) and one that I thought liked me and was a "friend". I know that nothing physical happened between them but the pain of knowing that they have these feelings is almost unbearable. My husband and I had a long heart-to heart and we both spoke more frankly than we have in years, which was good. He told me that he still loved me but that I'd spent so much time pushing him away that he wasn't sure he could ever feel close to me again. He said that he thought it was worth trying though, and we agreed to give it a try. He has agreed to go to counselling with me to try to understand and deal with my ADHD better, and to help build relationships with people and I feel like I can move forward with this. Unfortunately, for the next 3-4 weeks, we still have to work with this other woman, and he has to work closely with her since he is her supervisor. I can't bear to see them interact and be friendly together, even though I believe he is committed to trying to fix our relationship. I am afraid that my issues with this will drive us further apart. I hate to see him interact with someone he is close with, knowing that I don't have that closeness with him anymore. I feel like this is the kind of thing I should be able to talk to a friend about, but I have no one. Please advise.