Please tell me there is hope for us!!! Can two ADD people work in a relationship? Can an ADD relationship do a 180%?

Good Morning,

I posted this a couple of days ago (I am new here) and got some good advice from Sherri. I am re-posting as I feel my long post may have been overwhelming and because, after reading a lot of other posts, I want to make sure my post doesn't come off as ADD bashing. Here goes:


Right now I am at my wits end. I love the person I am with but am not convinced the state of our relationship is healthy. He is a great guy (loving, kind, supportive and always ready to sacrifice).

The flip side of that is that I almost never understand him. We have a TOTALLY different perspective on how the mind processes (or should process) everyday life. With that as a challenge combined with the fact that there are many 'error' filled days (important things lost, promises made and not followed through ect) small things have become major.

I started researching and found out that we BOTH most likely have ADD. (Well I am most likely ADHD). Neither of us have been officially diagnosed but I am in the process of trying to locate someone who does Cognitive therapy that is also covered under insurance.

Right now we are in peril. I feel we both are resentful with the dynamics of our relationship and neither of us are happy. He feels that I treat him like he is a child (which is true) but I feel like his mother. Neither of us want these dynamics.

I am not really sure what to do! I fear he will not stick with treatment (due to religious views) and if medication is needed (which I believe it is) I feel that his family may talk him out of sticking with it. We are not married. I feel, though, that in order for us to get married I have to SEE tangible evidence over time that the ADD/ADHD will not make our lives so dysfunctional I am afraid to bring children in the world.

The stress of it all has caused me to gain 34 pounds and I am having a hard time wanting to be intimate (not sex per say but just being close at all!!!). It just doesn't feel right. I am wondering if this is normal in ADD relationships?

When I met him I thought he was the answer to YEARS of prayers! I am 29 (he is 26) and we both have never been married and have no children.  Initially things were great! I appreciated how patient he was and that he was so willing to sacrifice.

Now... It seems like we are tangled in some co-dependant web with no known way to get out. I've learned that boundaries are VERY important to me and he has trouble with them. I have learned that open/honest communication are very important to me and he prefers to use diplomacy or generalizations to avoid situations that are uncomfortable.

I am sure some of that is a result of him seeing my constant disappointment and I don't want to hurt him (which I am sure I have) but to be honest I fear a life of falsehood... Where someone can't even face the reality of themselves. I fear having children with someone who hasn't shown they can be very responsible for themselves.

Is there any hope? Or should I just move on and pray we both find someone more compatible? I really don't know but I am having trouble sleeping, having constant migraines and my stomach aches daily. I don't want to throw in the towel when their is still hope for a beautiful future but don't want to waste any more time if there is not.

I appreciate your feedback! I also hope I can hear from any experts on this site because I really feel very close to a nervous breakdown!