Poll request for non-ADD spouse population

I'm curious and thought it might be helpful to start a poll blog to provide visibility regarding the demographics of the Non-Add Spouse population posting on this Website?

Here's my demographic

Age: 47

Gender: Female

Number of years married to ADD Spouse: 18

Number of children: 6 (blended family)

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 5 

Separated or divorced?: Yes

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: 6 months  

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? Wife

exhausted lady's picture

Good Idea

Here are the stats on me & my situation

Age: 53

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 6

Number of children: 4 (blended family) he has 3 sons, 2 with severe ADHD, I have one child who is grown and on her own.

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 7....I should have researched this more before we moved in together 

Separated or divorced?: Yes

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced:36 months

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? Me, the non-ADD "spouse"

I agree, and have added a few extra questions hope you dont mind

 

Age: 52

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 32

Number of children:  3   1 has  ADHD (never medicated),  all three now grown up and left home

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms:  Only 2 months  -  I should have sought help earlier, instead of just putting up with it

Separated or divorced?:  No not yet,  but have thought about it many many times over the past 25 years

Who initiated seeking help from Counsellors/Psychiatrist:   Me non-add spouse

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced:  n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce?   n/a      but I was one who was threatening to leave all the time

Country -  Australia

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms:    Yes  his mother and I have always found it hard to relate or get on well with her, now I know why.

okay, I'm in

Age: 50

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 29

Number of children: 2 both grown one living at home and in college

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: Maybe 3 or 4  - From the beginning I was trying to figure out what was going on...

Separated or divorced?: No not yet, not sure how this will play out...

Who initiated seeking help from Counsellors/Psychiatrist: Me non-add spouse

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? n/a 

Country - USA

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms: Yes, but it is unclear how many think it's a problem

Interesting poll - here's my info

Age: 53

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: not officially diagnosed but if he really is then it's been 32 years

Number of children: none (which I think is a fortunate considering the circumstances)

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: just realized this might be an issue a few months ago

Separated or divorced?: No

Who initiated seeking help from Counselors/Psychiatrist: have not done this but it is me who has initiated investigation of ADD

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce?  not planning any such thing - we are overall quite happy with each other in spite of each of our "issues" and the opportunities to improve our marriage

Country: US

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms: Doesn't seem like it

Me and my situation

Age: 38

Gender: Female

Number of years married to ADD Spouse: 15

Number of children: 4

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 5

Separated or divorced?: Not yet, but my husband wants a separation...(sometimes?)

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced:   

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? Husband

survey

Here's my demographic:

Age: 48

Gender:  Female.

Number of years married to ADHD spouse:  2 going on 3.

Number of children:  2, blended family (my daughter who he has adopted and his son (lives with his mom most of the time).

Numbers of years since discovery of ADHD in spouse:  He still won't admit it, but I suspected it over a year ago and he did go to counseling and got sent to a psychiatric nurse who diagnosed him with anxiety stress disorder and put him on Celexa (which of course isn't working).  Now will not try and get anything different or admit that maybe he was misdiagnosed.

Separated or divorced:  He has been gone 3 nights because I had to make him leave.

 

Great Idea!

 

Age: 36

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 3.5

Number of children: 3 (blended- my two live with us, (1 with ADHD (medicated)) and his son (3) lives with his mom)

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: I've known there was SOMETHING wrong.... only recently was it named ADD by his new therapist.

Separated or divorced?: No... I am committed to getting through this

Who initiated seeking help from Counsellors/Psychiatrist: Me non-add spouse

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? n/a

Country - USA


 

Sure

Age: 36

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 3

Number of children: 1, my 8 y/o son from previous marriage (no ADD in him and I can often count on son more than spouse).

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: He was diagnosed at least a few years before we met, the *symptoms* I discovered little by little the first year after he moved in.

Separated or divorced?: No and absolutely not planning on it if we can help it

Who initiated seeking help from Counselors/Psychiatrist: He has seen a psychiatrist a few times and tried a few types of meds, on his own.

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? n/a

Country - we're in northern Europe

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms: Yes, his niece is diagnosed, I suspect his dad has some form and possibly other family members, although none are diagnosed.

Demographics

Age: 42

Gender: Female

Number of years married to ADD Spouse: 13

Number of children: 3 (blended family- 1 mine, 1 his (not at home anymore), 1 ours)

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 3-4 months, always felt something wasn't right

Separated or divorced?: no..was separated for 2 months last fall for the first time.

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? I asked him to leave last Fall because of his horrible behavior..didn't realize at the time that he'd started an affair, thus the horrible behavior (more horrible than 'normal')

Demographic

Age: 28

Gender: Female

Number of years living with ADD Spouse:  8

Number of children: 1

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 9 months

Separated or divorced?: Technically, I guess. He moved to find work, with the plan that we'd join him later. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. I won't deny the break has been beneficial to our relationship.

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced: 11 months

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce? Mutual decision.  

Country - Australia

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms:  Oh yes! His father shows a lot of the same behaviors that my fiancee does. 

Poll

Age: 56 (Husband is 49)

Gender: Female

Number of Children: None together, I have 2 from a previous marriage (one has ADHD)

Number of Years since discovery of spouse's ADD symptoms: 5 years (lost a good job 2 months into the marriage)

Who initiated ADD treatment: me, the non ADD spouse, but it was for co-morbid depression

How long married: 5 years

Separated or divorced: No

Other ADD people in his family: His father showed what we now know were classic signs of ADD but never diagnosed during his lifetime. One of two brothers says he has it too.

Country: US

First Post, new member response

Age: 28

Sex: Female

Children: 21 month old boy

Years since partner's diagnosis: 24 yrs

Treatment: he had meds and counseling during his childhood then turned to illegal drugs.  i encouraged to get help and get off the drugs (he'd been clean 4 years) and get help/medication for it.  He was given prescriptions but he didn't take them.  when he's released he's going to seek medication and behavioral therapy.

Together: 2 1/2 yrs

separated: i was married in the past.  we were engaged but i broke it off.  we were separated for 6 months but i decided to open my mind and try again.

others in fam?: he was told his father had it but has had no contact since 5 yrs old.  his father was adopted so we have no other family history...

Poll

Age: 38

Gender: Female

Number of years "living with" ADD Spouse: 9 years (married 7)

Number of children: none

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms:  About 10 months since diagnosis (relationship problems related to symptoms go back many years)

Separated or divorced?:  No

Who initiated seeking help from Counsellors/Psychiatrist:   Me (non-add spouse)

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced:  n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce?   n/a 

Country: South Africa (I would dearly love to make contact with other S.Africans - we don't have many resources available to us here, like CHADD)

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms:    His mother shows very strong symptoms (not diagnosed)

sapphyre's picture

My response

Age: 38

Gender: Female

Number of years married to ADD Spouse: 13 next month

Number of children: 2

Number of years since discovery of your Spouse's ADD symptoms: 3.5

Separated or divorced?: No

Who initiated seeking help from Counsellors/Psychiatrist:   Me non-add spouse

If yes, how long have you been separated/divorced:  n/a

Which spouse initiated the Separation/divorce?   n/a     

Country -  Australia

Does ADD spouse have family members/parents who had ADD symptoms: No, he's adopted (so his biological mum/dad may have had it too)

Extended profile and other functionailty

We (Melissa and I, George) have been very concerned about protecting our members' privacy, at the expense of making this site more social and a closer community for you.  I have developed all sorts of social tools in the development environment for this site, like extended profiles (letting people attach info about themselves, like these "poll" requests), links to all posts and comments for any individual (that is actually already on the production site, but only available to Melissa and me, and to all of you for only your own posts & comments), most popular, most commented, most read, and many more ways of navigating around the site.

Which of these new features should we implement on this site, and how do we balance our members privacy?  What else do you think we should add as social functionality?

I hesitate to add private messaging.  But then, I can create a tiered user profile, allowing those who are clearly real people (I spend an immense amount of time keeping spam and imposters off this site) to have greater privileges (like no spam filtering of their posts, seeing others more detailed profile info) and additional features (for any forum post, a side block with links and summaries of all that member's comments and posts, so you can see what else they contributed).

I can also add "like" features, to identify "most helpful" comments and "most interesting" posts.  We tried five-star voting about a year ago, but didn't have many people who voted.  I was hoping to add a "most useful" or "most interesting" list to aid in navigating this site.  (we can also add a "flag objectionable content" feature for you to help us weed out the content for those instances when I am traveling or not watching the site)

Your input is welcome, either in response to this comment, or in the contact form.

fuzzylogic72's picture

response

Dear George and Melissa,

Thanks for asking for our input. First, i really like this site, and the work you put into it is clear, given the ease of navigation and quick responses from admin about concerns. 

As for my 'wishlist', I'd say a p2p messaging function (not necessarily instant, but private) would be great. It could be done with two levels of comfort and security for users. First, a general profile setting for consent to allow 'requests' for contact, as well as a setting where an individual has to send a request to the individual they would like to message before it is accepted, and then also be retractable should one person no longer wish to receive messages from that individual. I for one would like this. Mainly so two members could exchange their emails, should both parties wish to have correspondence in that manner. This might be somehow available already (offering an email somehow), but I haven't been able to figure out if that is possible.

Second would be the option to search a username to be able to see the other posts they've made. When I read something by a user that I resonate with and find helpful, i would like to see what other insights they have shared in the past, and this search option would be handy. Again, this may already be an option, but I haven't been able to figure it out.

Also, when posting a response or comment, the selectable option to post it on more than one relevant forums at once would be great.

Other than that, I love everything about this site, and appreciate the work that both of you are doing.

Sincerely,

 

Charlie