Oh good lord the pouting.  I feel like I am trapped in a really bad remake of Groundhog Day.  We just go over the same stuff over and over and over and DH wonders why I am counting the days until we can end this pathetic excuse for a marriage.  DH is overweight but has junk food, pop and candy hidden in his dresser drawers.  He gets headaches from an outdated glasses prescription and won't make an appointment to get new ones OR let me make it despite there being an eye place that takes our insurance, is open on Saturdays AND is blocks from our house.  He has bad knees and won't go to the doc for that.  He has bad teeth and won't go to the dentist for that.  He needs hearing aides and won't act on that either.  We have insurance for all of those things AND doctors/dentists that the rest of us go to in the neighborhood.  I have been to see a social worker at this community resource center for women who want to divorce and I have some information about how to proceed.  The first thing to be done is pay off as much debt as possible which I have been doing.  I am actually really proud of how much I have paid off.  Tomorrow I am mailing off two more big payments that will finish off those two.  So every time I mention that when our lease is up in May we should go our separate ways and every time DH acts surprised.  I can't take it any more.  I feel like a big huge b**ch every time.  He keeps saying he thinks there is hope for us, that he hates how things are between us but doesn't know what to do about it.  And every time I say WE ARE DONE and it feels like I am kicking a puppy.  How can he possibly think there is hope??  I have said the words THERE IS NO HOPE.  I DO NOT WANT THIS LIFE ANY MORE.  How much clearer can I get??

  He has been sleeping on the couch for the past month.  I have no idea why--nothing specific happened.  When I asked he said I told him to one night--I woke him up in the middle of the night when he was snoring and told him to go sleep on the couch.  So that is what he is doing.  Wouldn't you think I meant just that one night??  I have told him THREE TIMES he does not have to sleep on the couch any more, that I don't remember saying that, that he has been snoring for 23 years and yet...still sleeping on the couch.  So I stopped bringing it up.  Tonight I was telling him something and the whole time I was talking he was drumming his fingers like I wasn't talking fast enough or whatever.  So I said something.  I asked if he realized what that body language says to the person speaking.  He got totally angry and defensive, said he wasn't doing that (he was) and he didn't mean anything by it.  I asked if he did that to people who were talking to him at work and he said he didn't know.  I sure hope not, although it would help explain why he gets fired every three years.  And he got so defensive that I got up and left because clearly the conversation wasn't going to end well and he got silent and pouty. I had to run across the street for a couple things for dinner and when I got home, he said he wasn't hungry.  So he isn't eating now.  Pouting.  So juvenile.  It's the same cycle every time I call him out about some offensive behavior.  He gets mad then silent and pouty.  This will probably last a few days which should be GREAT because we have a two hour drive on Sunday to an event for the youngest son that lasts most of the day out in the middle of nowhere.  It's going to be a very silent day.  I hate driving with him.  I hate the weekends.  Not in a good place right now.