Pre-medicated ADHD and Coping With It

My husband was just diagnosed with ADHD, although he's obviously had it his whole life. They didn't get him any RX yet, though, because he needed some blood work and an EKG. It's been a long haul to get him to even go and get evaluated, and I've been hanging on with the hope that once he gets on a treatment plan, things will start to turn around and get better. We've been married 7 years, have two young kids, and while he has slipped into disarray more and more, it wasn't until the fall that things started to get really bad. He went into some kind of depression on top of it all, and it sent us into a tailspin. He's full of anger and blame at me and goes on these long harangues about me and my behavior, and how I'm to blame for everything. And it's very hard to extricate myself from these "conversations." I've read about how fighting can be a form of self-medication, and I really think it's just that. It's like it's the only way he can engage me. But it's all irrational logic and slippery reasoning and impossible to follow, and he gets really, really angry when my only response is something like, "I'm sorry I make you feel that way." Most of it is really hard to listen to, and downright hurtful. And so I extract myself, but that makes him even angrier (threats of leaving, divorce, etc. often follow). And he often just follows me into the other room and keeps going, until I kick him out of the room. He leaves mad, and I feel awful. Will it get better once he's on something like Ritalin? He's going to do talk therapy too, but he's still got to schedule all of that, and, obviously, he's bad at that. I had to make the appointment for the evaluation (thanks, Hallowell Center...) because he stalled for weeks on doing anything himself. I think I have very unrealistic expectations of what treatment will do to help, and the timetable for any uplift that we might get. I can't take these daily scoldings though. I told him yesterday that it made me feel like he was hitting me on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like a bad dog. And today he said he really took that to heart and didn't want to make me feel like that, but then continued on and did exactly the same thing over again. And so I cut him off and went to bed, and here I am typing, trying to lighten my guilt.