This is the first time I am seeking advise on a forum. I am 9 months pregnant and abandoned by ADHD husband four months ago. Basically he went to vacation to see his family abroad when I was 5 months pregnant and never returned. I had a bleeding episode while he was away and after contacting him he showed no emotional response or any concern, which I found extremely hurtful. In the heat of an argument I told him not to come back and he took the offer (very easily).
He is in his late 30s, has no history of holding a steady job, his family was giving him monthly allowance. Now all he wants is to find a job, has grandiose ideas about businesses he is going to start and well paid jobs that he is going to get.
I invited him back more than once, but all he sees is his own hurt and rejection and he turns everything against me and blames me for everything. It is now my fault for not finding him a job, he was a servant and a housemaid to me. This could not be any further from truth in reality! I accepted all his claims and offered so many constructive proposals of how we can re/organise and readjust our lives, but his answers never respond to my questions and he contradicts himself three times in each sentence. He will be back only for the child, he will never be back and then he will come back only if he sees my proposals put in action.
I had more than one pregnancy related complication as a result of terrible stress that I have been exposed to, and I am not sure what to do any more. There is a lot of his family involvement too, they refuse to see that he has issues he needs to address and give all the leniency to justify his behavior. Himself and everyone around his seem to have outside control locus, everything is the fault of someone else not himself.
The worst thing is being torn: on one hand I still love him and remember good things about our marriage. On the other hand I feel such strong sense of betrayal and being abandoned by someone so easily with whom I planned a child and family. How can he do such a cruel thing without being even aware of the degree of cruelty of his actions.....
Can anyone please give me any tips on how to get through to him, how to talk to him and make him come back.
I am at a complete loss...