For some people, a spouse filing for separation or divorce is the thing that makes them realize the seriousness of the situation and finally accept that if they want to stay married, they must do something about their behavior.  My husband appears to be an exception.  His fear of talking about and dealing with issues is too strong for even death of the marriage to sway him.  I'm not looking for answers here; just sharing.

To Rosered.

I am sorry you are going through this.  He sounds like a mama's boy who only needs a mommy and a daddy.  You deserve someone who appreciates you and friends who support you and love you.  Not someone who ignores you.  I am sorry.

Thank you, jennalemon.  I'm

Thank you, jennalemon.  I'm in turn sad about the marriage and strengthened by the realization that I've done all I can and that I have not misjudged my husband's issues and his responsibility to deal with them.  I hope I won't scare people with ADHD or their partners who come to this forum.  I don't think that my husband has only ADHD to contend with, and I think that people can live successful, happy lives with ADHD in themselves or their relationships.  But my husband and I won't be among them, at least while married, because of his denial of the effect of the ADHD and other things.

I'm sorry Hun.

Rosered, you were the first person to respond to me when I came to this site distraught.  You are obviously a deeply caring and kind person. I have followed your story over the past few years and it does seem that your husband lacks either the tools or the desire to improve things in your marriage and he lacks the self-awareness to really understand how he has driven his car into the ditch. I hope that you can move forward happily without him, if he isn't going to rise to the challenge of making some important changes. You deserve some happiness and he is obviously a massive thorn in your side. Hugs to you honey. I wish you well. :)


thinking of you

Rosered, I have followed you and your journey for a while now. I am so sorry you are finding your answer to be no answer--it would be so much easier if he could come down on one side or the other, wouldn't? You may never know why. I don't know if he is suffering from such debilitating ADHD and/or depression that he literally can't act, or if he has learned this. Hang in there. I have the best wishes and hope for you. Even though you may have to decide all of this by yourself, I hope that whatever you decide works out for the best for you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. 

Priorities and Responsibility

I have just read these 4 or 5 posts and I see my truth in all of them.  I too have a husband fairly newly diagnosed.  He is still blaming all but himself and the only person not putting in the most effort is himself.  He is pretty sure that he is doing all he needs to.  He is not in his right mind to even see what types of behaviours he has and I too am tired of living a life where i am not appreciated and I see he is going nowhere with his meds or therapy!