Arg. I'm trying to be open with my individual counselor, but he seems really fixated on the idea that I (and all of the tests my husband has taken and doctors he's seen) have missed the diagnosis. He doesn't believe that the spectrum of behavior displayed by my partner is due to ADHD. When I tell him that I'm very active in research and on this website, and that his case and behaviors are largelyl textbook, he tells me to be careful what I read. He doesn't think things like making excuses or starting projects and not finishing them are ADHD behaviors...and he treats ADD and ADHD patients. He doesn't believe that impulse control can be attributed to ADHD either. He harps a lot on "personality disorder" and tries to get me to buy into a "narcissistic personality disorder" diagnosis or straight substance abuse problem. I've read and studied about NPD and it just doesn't fit. Also, while I recognize that my partner's issues with substance abuse need addressing, they are not chronic and I see them as adaptive behaviors more than the root cause of his issues. By the way, my therapist has never met my husband and has seen me 4 times.
While I am totally open to the fact that my dh may have more than one problem, and I'm willing to entertain the opinions of his doctors and others, I am getting really frustrated. I think he's afraid I'm going to excuse everything by attributing it to ADHD, so he's spending, in my opinion, too much time trying to get me to reconsider my husband's condition...I kind of feel like he's not in favor of us ending up together, and feels that my husband is pathologically choosing to behave the way he is and has been.
Do you think there is a way to address this or do I have to "break up with my therapist"? He thinks he knows what he needs to about ADHD, but isn't familiar with this site or lots of the commonalities we share here. With the "be careful what you read" advice, I don't feel like he's terribly receptive to our opinions or experiences. Thoughts? Advice?