Profound Sense Of Sadness

Howdy All- I recently posted a bit about our diagnostic oddessy for my DH in the appropriate section. I am currently experiencing a profound sense of loss and sadness despite it looking like we may have finally found a name for this thing that has affected our lives so tragically. My DSS has been diagnosed with combined type impulsive/ inattentive, so it stands to reason, based on discussions with the child psychologist, that this is what is crippling my husbands interactions, as well. I am so very lonely for my husbands love and affection. He's been a on jag of distraction lately, so my status has been essentially 'ignore'. I'm doing my best to muster compassion since it appears that these stretches of near solitary living have not been intentional. It's been about two weeks, this time, since we last had relations. I've gone through years of agonizing secret shame over this issue. All the usual suspects have been ruled out, to no avail. In times of what I now see as hyperfocus there are short bursts of intimacy, always followed by weeks of nothing at all. It feels so humiliating not to have your husband want you. At night he places a pillow between us. I have started to resent it like another woman. I'm afraid to even bring it up anymore. I'm afraid of the reaction and verbal outburst. My self esteem cannot take the hit of the continuing rejection. I long for my husband to want me.