It is no secret that all ADHD cases/relationships are unique. My fiance and I are making some great progress and I though I would share some of our techniques with you all. I am in no way assuming we are doing everything correct or that our system will work for you or that even tomorrow everyting won't fall apart but maybe some of our techniques can help you as well. Additionally I would love to hear what techniques you all use that work in your relationship!
1. Change in diet - this has caused a slight increase in our grocery bills but it is so worth it. We read the labels of EVERYTHING we buy. We stay away from food coloring (which we have noticed really does cause him to go super hyperactive), preservatives, anything in plasitc wrap and no soda plus drink tons of water, and eat foods that have omega-3 (wild salmon, grass fed beef, omega-3 eggs, even oatmeal). We also have stayed away from high fat and calorie meals which means we only go out for sushi anymore. It has been great eating healthy.
2. Suplements - not only does Sam get his omega-3 from our foods, he also takes a supplement in the morning and one in the evening when he gets home. Additionally he has been taking Zinc but we noticed that if he takes it with his Adderal, his logic goes out the window so he has been taking it hours after his Adderal.
3. Exercise - we both have started working out and not only does it increase my happiness and patience, it also get the good chemicals flowing through his brain as well. Plus, who doesn't feel great after losing weight week after week?
3. Holding each other accountable - I grew up in a family where I was held accountable for all that I did...even my nail polish choices. Sam on the other hand was raised in a complete opposite environment. Hence, the excuses always piled up. I won't lie, we fought, a lot and I almost gave up a 100 times but after clearly explaining what will fly and won't fly (this required that I increase my patience) he finally got it and in return, I was able to be more patient and not as strict on the silly accountability things (like nail polish choices).
4. Both have to want to make it work - making any relationship work takes both partners and it is not different when it comes to ADHD. After Sam realized (after many fights and me beating it into his head) that ADHD was controling his life and not him controling his own destiny, he has been amazing. Additionally, after I understood that I was cheating us out of possible success because I couldn't keep my patience, I changed my tune as well and have learned to let go of a lot of the small stuff.
I think a lot of us get so used to taking care of everything we also assume we have to take care of the negative consequences of ADHD. This is insane. Plenty have people have gained control of their ADHD symptoms and need to be held accountable when they are destroying the lives of those around them. It is not impossible and I really find that since we have been keeping our bodies healthy, our brains have followed suit. Don't get me wrong, I am scared everyday that he will come home and completely forget his progress and goals and we will be back at square one. As for now, these things have made a huge difference and hopefully, we can continue to progress.