I filed for a legal separation yesterday. This is progress and I'm feeling hopeful. Here's why: 1) After I told my husband, we had a calm discussion about the legal and practical ramifications of the filing and of a possible separation. It has been awhile since we've been able to stay on topic when the topic is serious and personal. 2) My husband seems to appreciate how sincere I am about my unhappiness with our relationship but also seems to understand what I told him: I don't have an agenda other than to work on myself and figure out what I want; I don't know if I ultimately will want to separate or stay together. He hasn't seemed to "get" this before. 3) I feel relieved because a big matter has just dropped off my list of worries: my marriage. I know that I have lots of issues of my own, both ones concerning only me and ones concerning what kind of partner I am and could be. They will occupy much of my time and energy. Maybe what happens with them will make my marriage seem fixable; maybe not. But I'm ready to drop control of this issue. 4) And because I'm not focusing on the relationship, I feel much less uptight about my husband's behavior as well. I hope he works on his issues and thinks about his life, too. But if he doesn't, I think I'll be able to accept that.