Progress Report: Breakthrough to the Next Level

This is just a quick update on the progress of the things that have transpired of late, and again, with the same cycle. came a breakthrough that I can see.  This has been a long time to coming and it's started with me planting those seeds again and with the help of our therapist...I am beginning to see a new pattern developing.  And in respect to our therapist, I walked in feeling like something needed to happen and I was being rather forceful in my attempt to get some things through to my wife that I felt I had reached the end of my rope which my T picked up on and took over again as usual.  I had pretty much had with being muzzled and all these defence mechanisms which I now clearly see to the point, I was really getting tired of it.  Tired of getting to the same place each time and never going further.   But as I began to feel "stifled" once again by my T  * shutting me up and making me listen with no input what so ever on my part ( and since I trust him implicitly and I always know what he is doing is for "both" our good and best interest ) I saw he was trying to show me something which was why he was making me shut up.  As I heard him talk to us....what he was doing was the very thing ( I) needed...but in a way that wouldn't make my wife upset or shut down and stop listening to him.  And the key words he used was "conflict avoidant" ...which really registered with me from our earlier visits.  He said it to my wife briefly in passing that he felt she was doing this..and that was key?  I realised, what she has been doing all along, is trying to avoid conflict entirely but in order to do this...we never had reached a place where she would go any further to resolving the conflict in the first place?

Anyway, what came out of that, was me feeling less heard than before, but with something new to think about?  What he gave us as an assignment "together" was to talk about, not what we can fix this issue....but what we can "not do" to fix this issue which was exactly what I wanted..but now with a kicker?  We can only talk about "we"...instead of using (I) or ( me) or (you) in the conversation.  This was a brilliant move on his part....but not until we got home and my wife started in with her usual accusatory language and pointing the finger at me?  I realised that she was not going to change one iota...if I didn't do something different?  At great protest and with a fair amount of resistance.....I figured out a way to pin her down..and not let her move out of the "we" and back into the ( I) language again.  The "I want" language which is what she always uses?  I got so fed up with hearing everything start with (I) want...that I finally blew a gasket and got some felt pens out..and started diagramming on a mirror we have in the front room like a chalkboard.  I also realised the futility of talking when she would allow me to anything so by defaulting to what I do best?  Drawing pictures and "showing" instead.  Showing...instead of explaining...with those visual aids like I said.  It was maddening ( once again ) to come and wife's version of what our T said..compared to what I heard?  And the only thing she heard....had to do with what she wanted...period.  I finally got angry and said "how old are you?  Didn't your mamma tell you, you don't always get what you want?  What about what I want?  I want things too?  In fact, what I what you don't want...and that's a problem for me!!!"  And what she doesn't to talk about it again?  Nothing new there, to the point of exasperation.  Fine don't want to talk?  Now you're speaking my language.  I'll show you instead...and out came the felt pens and away I went.  On a big mirror like a chalkboard..and was drawing away like there was no tomorrow.  And despite her saying...."why are you doing this?  I don't want to do this!!".........I gave her no choice.  I did it anyway,....whether she liked it or not?  But at least for her...I wasn't talking.  That was my get her to "see" it....not hear it....since apparently....what she hears is missing anything to do with me?  But in my pictures....I was certainly there and there was nothing she could do to stop me from including my own drawings!!!  The utility of doing this...was short of amazing ...but it took a few days for my drawing to sink in.  She came to me this time...with some startling revelations.  They were not revelations to me....I've been saying them for as long as I could remember?  When that happened...suddenly, we took a quantum leap up to a new level...which is in essence to my T was saying....he gave me the template to use to do so?  I just visualised the template...and drew it on the mirror.

Having gone through this myself, I finally recognised something I was familiar with.  A breakthrough and step up to the next level of awareness?  And suddenly when that wife this time, came to me and started talking about it.  What I saw and realised was...the bell of knowledge had been rung...and there's no unringing the bell....once it's be resounded fully.  That was the breakthrough...with a renewed hope for the future.  I just wanted to by myself with the help of my T.....I took what I knew and what I do best...and made that work for me?  That one, I can't tell anyone else to do....because those pictures in my head just come to me and always have.  All I have to draw them and point...and go....."see what I mean?"  If she wouldn't listen and was closing her ears....the next best thing is her eyes...and now, we're talking my language.  The language of pictures so she could see?  It's what I do best....I can do that one in my sleep.  All I that it sprout those seeds and get her to see.  Where there's a will....there's always a way?  And since I'm an Artist....I just took a little Artistic license...and did it my way this time.  And surprise surprise, it worked like magic.  Shazaam!!  Private Pyle. Gollllllly!!! LOL