Put in an akward spot... what to do....

So, my husband, who loves gadgets wanted the new iPhone a few years back - I said I would be ok with him making the purchase because he promised to use it for tracking and making lists to help him manage his ADHD symptoms. Of course - we bought several apps to assist with this, and set up his plan so that he could also enjoy the phone, watch music videos etc. And as you can imagine- as I am sure most of you are already thinking - he NEVER used it for the reasons he stated he "needed" it. He set up reminders and ignored them, finally deleting him because he was tired of having to turn them off (while he was ignoring what they were for). He never bothered using the tracking or list apps recommended for ADHD people to help manage their time. IN FACT - that phone became a source of contention between us because he acts like a teenage girl with it - constantly checking FB and who knows what else.


It got the point of being so bad that I asked him to put it down in the evenings (like I did) so that it would not be a source of distraction when we were supposed to be spending time together. He agreed to not check FB at least, even though he kept his phone. AND as I am sure you are ALREADY THINKING - he would "mess up" all the time and "accidentally" check FB when he would go outside for a smoke break. Uh-huh... accidentally. I am sure sometimes it was, but not all the time.


H is very careless with his phone, he already washed it once, and I refused to buy him a new one. He got the "same" phone through the warranty. I told him that I wasnt going to buy him the new model (that he wanted and was already angling for) and to make do with the cheaper warranty option offered by ATT. I had actually intended on getting him the "latest greatest" for Christmas this year after we paid off the house remodel... so its not like I was being an ass about it. We literally do not have the money with his 400 a month smoking habbit, and the thousands of dollars we are in debt for the remodel - with STILL needing to do more to the house to finish it. We are not where we were last year financially and he doesnt seem to *get* that.


So, last night - he leaves his phone in the car. In triple digit heat. Not even thinking or considering that it would kill his phone. And guess what - thats right, phone is DEAD now. Practically melted. So now, he has no phone. And what is HILARIOUS to me - this starts a full on research and desire to "fix" that problem (you know - unlike how he is trying to work on his marriage or anything... sorry - but I am kinda bitter right now when I see him put any effort into something because it proves to me he is capable - and just not willing when it comes to our life together). Here is my awkward situation. This man, who has told me he doesnt love me, doesnt want to be married - came to the conclusion a "LONG" time ago that we would not work (and therefor will not put any real effort other than being civil) is now headed to the ATT store to "see what they have" and the only money he has to BUY it is mine at the moment.... I am not really sure I am OK with him spending money on a new phone - he isnt working - this would be *my* money - which I cannot afford. To top that off, I still am supporting him FULLY. I pay for everything - including things like his cigarettes etc - which are no small expense. I am on the hook for the data plan, I am on the hook for EVERYTHING. he says he is going to put in on a credit card, and then pay in payments to ATT - because he says he is getting a job. Well he has said that for about 6 months now and there is no job yet.


Here is a fun fact - if he had not been smoking for the last 3 months - I would have had enough money to buy him the latest/greatest phone.  But he doesnt think like that - he doesnt plan ahead.  Doesnt consider that sometimes you cannot have everything you want when you want it.


I am just really frustrated. I told him that I am not comfortable with buying him a new phone and he says he understands and will be doing it with his own money etc. We will see I guess. I hope today is still a good day. I hope he at least continues his steps towards a better self. I need to repeat my mantra over and over and NOT let any of these nice times deceive me into complacency thinking that things will be better between us.