First I want to say thank you for all the advice and support you have given. I'm not Christian (I'm Buddhist), but I must say you are an angel and have made me see things differently. I now realize (and the Dalai Lama's teachings help) that I CANNOT change someone else's behavior, I can ONLY change the way that I respond to the behavior. So thank you.
My question is: from reading your posts, at one point you were as miserable as I am and in the same failing marriage. How did you urge/convince your husband to look in the mirror and start making a change?? What made him finally "see the light" that his behavior was affecting the marriage?? I know my anger and behavior certainly aren't right and I'm working VERY VERY hard to change my responses, but how did your husband finally realize it was time for him to get help and make a change?
I'm just looking for some hope, a small sliver of hope is all. Maybe your husband could respond?
The Dalai Lama has a saying which I read daily:
"We need to be prudent and skillful in our endeavors to transform our habits and dispositions. We also need to be realistic about what we can expect to achieve. It took us a long time to become the way we are and habits are not changed overnight"