In short, do you think the ADHD spouse can change? Or do you have to change to make it work? My wife and I have been married for 6 years, I was diagnosed at 3 years we had our daughter at 4 years and it's been up and down. I communicate poorly about things because of shame, especially money and sex. Getting diagnosed and treated helped us get strong enough that we had a baby together but those stresses have caused a relapse in me and I have to refocus and readjust all over again just to get back to a level of connection and communication we had before. My wife is running out of patience and says I have asked for her patience and effort and time for 6 years and she is spent, but I feel like I am ready and willing to make a big change and I have all the tools, but I get discouraged when she is not open long herself to the possibility and promise of it or assumes I won't ever change. I know she is protecting herself by not getting her hopes up again, but I need to find a way to get her to let me in again to believe I can make a fix again. Right now she believes every improvement was temporary to "get her off my back." I know it's my own behavior that's caused this but it's upsetting that she convinced me this was a medical problem and not a character one but she still talks and acts like I WANT this to be this way like it's a choice that I made and not a function of my condition that I cannot always sustain improvements.