My counselor suggested something called "Radical Acceptance" (Google it) and I have been learning what that is and it also leads to dialectical behavior therapy. Psychology 101 told us that people need to cope to stay sane and the tools of rationalization, dinial, and diversio, etc.
Emtional pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain. Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.
I had been seeing him and our situation through rose-colored glasses and believing that love and energy and work and communication would always win out and make things OK. He doesn't want to change. I can't believe how long it took me to realize that I had to accept WHAT IS. Things are not OK with me.
I think I come on these boards to help myself to accept my reality. Reading what I wrote in days past lets me see what was going on without the emotions of the day of writing. Knowing others hear me and are going through similar situations and the community that shares similar situations helps me to accept that this is my reality.
I know I have to stop trying what does not work. But when you feel a lot of discomfort with the way things are....then your body and heart are trying to tell you to change something. I feel stupid for not being able to SEE and DO what I need to do to FEEL better. This is where I am at this time. I am accepting that I am in control of how I live and how I feel.
Still stuck but looking for doors.
Is it behind Door 1?
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
jennalemone,
I have come very far in my journey. My story is not done. Even going forward in life, following what I know to be the truth, there is a tiny bit left of a voice in the back of my head that goes to a place it should not: That Fantasy Island/Fairytale Forest/Dreamland that tempts me with the What-Ifs - "Will he finally GET IT/WAKE UP/FEEL SAD/REALIZE WHAT HE HAS DONE".
Regardless of the path LIZ chooses, I love that man. I made promises to him. I made promises to God.
The reality is those truths were based on the symbol of that golden ring - - - the one that goes around and around. One person cannot make that work. One person and God cannot make that work.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
With God, I can and will survive. Takes all three to make a marriage. I got only enough with God (Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves) to be and do and go forth as Liz.
Powering through. Powering through!
Liz
There You Go.. Jenna Seek and You Shall Find
Submitted by kellyj on
You'll find more doors if keep looking .....it only gets better. I will also return the comment you made to me about growing and moving forward. It wasn't that long ago that you hated yourself at that particular moment. That was the suffering you are talking about and I remember recognizing it then if you recall? I also recognize feeling stupid for not seeing things before ( been there too )......that never really goes away but it will change just like you have since then. The more doors you find...the more things won't bother you as much. It just takes some time.....that is only if you don't stop looking. That feeling stupid feeling is just one example of the pain you can accept. Okay....so what? Move on and keep moving......that's the pain and acceptance working in practice. As long as you keep doing that....the easier it is to accept even more painful moments in this way in the future in an on going basis. None of them ever go away at this point but they just won't affect you any longer and eventually you will just forget about those little pains as if they aren't there. It wil happen...just be patient.
Better to rip that band-aid off all at once instead of peeling it off slowly one hair at a time.....the pain may be a little worse in the moment but you won't keep suffering that same pain like slow torture over a longer period of time. You'll get use to it and it will become easier to do. After a while....ripping those suckers off won't bother you a bit even with the pain that goes along with it. You'll see. Keep on ripping!!
J
Hi Jenn:)
Submitted by c ur self on
I feel stupid for not being able to SEE and DO what I need to do to FEEL better..... This comment of yours is my struggle and many others struggle....It's my denial....I watch my wife and read about others who seem to not be able to discuss their life styles....Not calmly anyway;)....
But why is it so hard for me to admit I'm not capable to SEE and DO what I know will make me feel better....I'm coming to realize Acceptance alone doesn't fix me....It's allowed me to have some peace and to not place expectations on someone when I know it's fools Gold to do it.....But, why can't I stop engaging unwise crap....I was setting here peacefully about two hours ago and she walked to the door and wanted me to go somewhere with her....I've got lots to do today, because I do the shopping, cleaning etc...You know the drill....But, when she started whining, bemoaning, and basically being a victim...I had to chime in, I could not let it alone....Why? If I had said nothing, not engaged it all, I would feel better....So the answer to your question for me is....At this point in my life, I'm not capable of not fighting back, of not speaking truth to a closed mind, of not trying to force a self centered mind to open up and see that their view of life isn't reality for most of us...Why? Why can't I not engage it?
I need something stronger than my will....I need to walk in the spirit continually....
C
One more thing...
Submitted by c ur self on
The movie War Room in my opinion is the best thing a husband and wife could go see together...It is about being on the right road...