My counselor suggested something called "Radical Acceptance" (Google it) and I have been learning what that is and it also leads to dialectical behavior therapy. Psychology 101 told us that people need to cope to stay sane and the tools of rationalization, dinial, and diversio, etc.
Emtional pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain. Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.
I had been seeing him and our situation through rose-colored glasses and believing that love and energy and work and communication would always win out and make things OK. He doesn't want to change. I can't believe how long it took me to realize that I had to accept WHAT IS. Things are not OK with me.
I think I come on these boards to help myself to accept my reality. Reading what I wrote in days past lets me see what was going on without the emotions of the day of writing. Knowing others hear me and are going through similar situations and the community that shares similar situations helps me to accept that this is my reality.
I know I have to stop trying what does not work. But when you feel a lot of discomfort with the way things are....then your body and heart are trying to tell you to change something. I feel stupid for not being able to SEE and DO what I need to do to FEEL better. This is where I am at this time. I am accepting that I am in control of how I live and how I feel.
Still stuck but looking for doors.