The Rage that Instantly Fades

My wife is looking to get divorced after five years of marriage. She says I get focused on a task or a slight, become frustrated - voice a passive aggressive statement or a mean comment, then once that is spouted - I'm fine. But I leave her hurting in the meantime. 

The stimulus creating the frustration is unimportant - the fact that I take out my anger on my wife, is horrid. 


I want to be clear - I do not physically harm anyone, only with my mouth. 


I need to control it better. 


My friend, who isn't ADHD, said, "what do you want more - to be married and keep your mouth shut or spout it off and be divorced?" Was good perspective. I am defensive and mean.


Does anyone else ever feel like this?