Rather Be Lonely Without You

Sorry, that's the title of a song I like.   But that's my question.  How do you deal with lonely?  We both work long hours but when are home, we aren't home together.  He'd rather send me an email from his computer (downstairs) to me at my computer (upstairs) than talk to me in person.  I suggest sharing a glass of wine and 15 minutes of conversation.  He says sure, and wanders away with his glass after 5 minutes.  I prepare dinner and he turns on the television while we're eating.  I suggest a project to work together on, and he agrees, disappearing to "get something" and never comes back.  "Oh, I saw this and realized it had to be done first."  When I point out these things, unfortunately he is still using the Three Stooges to explain them away.  He turned on the TV because I seemed like I "didn't want to talk".  He wandered away from the wine and a visit because I said something that reminded him of something he had to do.  He sends me an email rather than coming to find me because he didn't want to disturb me.  This particular Stooge is called deflect -- bing right back at you.  Whatever I did that you didn't like, you probably caused it.  He says I'm too needy because I'd like 30 minutes a day in his company.  BEING IN THE SAME BUILDING IS NOT BEING TOGETHER. 

So.  Lonely.  Not lonely for the company of girlfriends, or family members.  Not because I'm bored spending time with myself.  Lonely for him.  I'm only able to convince him to do an activity we both enjoy about once a month.  The rest of the time he puts me off, he needs down time, he needs to work on a project (of which he has 147 underway at any moment).  I would like to ask ADDers... is there anything that makes you want to spend time with your partner?  Or does very little go a long way?  Is 5 minutes a day really enough?  I keep getting stuck on why does he stay when he wants/needs so little of me?  Why do I stay when I am so "not required"?  And why in God's name do I still want to spend time with him?

I am struggling so hard this weekend.  LOL it's so much easier to accept this stuff when you're gone from home 12 hours at a stretch.