I was just wondering how many people here have ADHD spouses who have extreme anxiety and/or sleepless nights with then sleeping during the day? My husband has both of these, and lately it's been way past the extreme point. He's worried about money, and rightfully so, since we are again on the brink of bankruptcy, but he handles all the finances, and we've never been able to get past "just getting by". (even with him making a good salary, and when we were both working)
I also know that many ADHD'ers will stay up until about 3am, doing different things, THEN go to bed, and the same is with him also. But, now he isn't sleeping much at ALL at night, but then sleeps during the day, He does have a C-pap machine, which helps, but this goes way past using a machine. He also has EXTREME anxiety, which seems out of control now. I don't think he's been HONEST with his doctor, even if he THINKS he has been. I've been with him, at times, and he doesn't ACTUALLY tell the doctor what's really going on, but when we get in the car, he really thinks he DID tell him. (he didn't/or doesn't) Doctors need to know EVERY detail of what's going on with us, and need us to VERBALIZE this, otherwise they don't know what's going on, and I've tried for years to tell him this, but he only gets angry, so I quit saying anything about it at all. But, now, his anxiety is out of control, and I KNOW he hasn't told the doctor how severe it is. I wish the doctor would talk to ME, especially since he knows that my husband is ADHD. Do you guys think the doctor would let me call him and say anything? Some don't like this. Just asking.
This is such a distressing
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
This is such a distressing situation. Here are my thoughts. Patient privacy laws bar health-care workers from sharing a patient's information without the patient's consent but they do not bar the workers from receiving additional information about the patient. Sometimes, however, health-care workers will think that a family member is attempting to get information even though the family member is clear that she or he is attempting to give information. To make this less likely to happen, I suggest that you write a letter to the doctor and relay your concerns. (I've actually done this, with some success, meaning that the health-care provider read and acknowledged my letters.)
Dede......Thinking About What You Said
Submitted by kellyj on
As far as sleep goes, I can say without hesitation that I'm one of the lucky ones I guess. I have never had sleep issues as far as getting to sleep or getting a good nights sleep except under the most extreme condition or stress. I have also never been with someone before ( like my wife ) since "sleep" seems to be so problematic. I have never in my life been with someone who goes to bed at 8:00pm at night, to have to be at work at 7;00am in the morning with a 5 minute commute? Or even as late as ( unheard of ) 9:00pm as a rule to get to work on time in the morning at 8:00am? The last time I remember going to bed as a regular scheduled thing at 8:00pm was when I was in 1rst or 2nd grade. Actually 7pm in first grade, and 8pm until I was around 10 or 11 years old, and by that time, I was staying up to 10pm and sometimes 11pm...unless I had to get up early for swim workouts. Bottom line, I needed 8 hours or more of sleep or I could not function properly. But the fact remains, that our entire household was up until 11:00pm ( my oder sisters and parents ) and my parents remained up every night like clockwork...until 11:30pm until the late news was over. And when I was a teenager, I did that plus, watched the Johnny Carson monologue every night then went to sleep which was 11:45pm every night until he actually retired which was years and years!! And yes, our entire family were night owls and on week ends or times when we didn't have to get up, it was not unusual for any of us to be up until 1am or 2am as a normal course of affairs in our house. No one thought anything of that, and being up late was no big deal. That was normal, and I had my own routine to go along with that as well. I use to take cat naps during the day all the time even when I was little. Many times, on weekends I would cat nap before dinner or even at school in between classes. I can fall asleep almost anywhere but I am like the dead when I sleep. I sleep deep and rarely remember dreaming and usually feel rested when I wake up. I don't even use alarms anymore, since I sleep until I wake up on my own since,if I try and sleep past the time I need to, I just lay there with my eyes open and finally go, "this is rediculous!" As I'm thinking "I might s well get up and do something since I'm done sleeping? I am a sound, deep, heavy sleeper and I have always been that. Before I started on Adderall when I turned 50, I started noticing I was waking up earlier and earlier before my alarm clock went off on my own which was nice in a sense to get what feels like the same rest in a less time by about 1 hour or even 2 at times. I have always listened to my body and let it tell me what I need for the most part and that has never been a problem since sleep has never been one for me my entire life? I guess the point of saying this is, for me, I make good use of the time I sleep, and get deep REM sleeo everytime. Very deep to the point, that hardly anything will wake me up? My wife snores and that never even bothers me? I sleep right through it and it never wakes me up? Except ( in a humorous one time ) I woke up and my wife had rolled on to my pillow, and was snoring directly into my ear with her mouth about 2" away. LOL That one did wake me up, but only that one time.LOL
So I gues the point in saying all of this is to help ( possibly ) see what might not be a problem, and what might be one as far as yur H is concerned. My problem mostly now, is two fold. I cannot go to bed as early as my wife. It's just too weird to go to bed when it's still light outside. Light, is the only thing that will bother me and like I said, the last time I remember going to bed regularly when it was still light outside was when I was in grade school and that is just too weird for me to adjust to. And the fact that my wife works 4 days now ( because of her anxiety ) she works 4 x 10hrs now...so she gets home, eats and goes to bed, which is just fine with me to be honest. I have all that time with her not around, and I get a lot done at night when she is asleep. I find when she's not around and without that added stressor there, I normally fall asleep now when ever I fall asleep, and wake up when ever I wake up and that seems to have it's own natural time table that works out fine for me. Sometimes I sleeo longer, and sometimes I sleep less? But I get normally 6 to 7 hours and sometimes 8hrs as a real still. I honestly can't sleep 8 hours like I use to since I past into my 50's and 7 is really my natural time with no clocks or alarms at all? Like I said, if I just am laying there with my eyes shut and I'm not sleeping, it's pretty silly to do that and just not get up? The roast is done, time to take it out of the oven? LOL What I saying is, with me anxiety has nothing to do with this? This is how I have been all my life and my mom and sisters especially were and still are night owls. This going to bed when it's still light outside, is a foreign concept for me as adult? I also don't get, sitting for 45 minutes on the couch and staring at the walls every morning as my wife does, but I'm a moring person too...and I always have been? My wife on the other hand, I rarely speak to her in the morning. Not a good time for her!!! yikes!! I tend to stay as far away from her as possible, unless she actually has anything to say to me now. Unless she learns how to speak, politely, repsectfully and with courtesy......I want nothing to do with her, and that's just fine with me. When she does speak to me respectfully....I 'm all ears, Johnny on the spot.
J