I'd like to ask: What the rest of you do when your adhd spouses are having extreme mood swings? and maybe those with adhd could tell me what they are feeling or thinking, etc. I would greatly appreciate ANY personal dealings with this. My adhd husband is on Concerta, but he can have some really "down" days, in which it seems that NOTHING can cheer him up, or change his mood, and I have always been at a loss as to what to do, or how to respond. I used to be really concerned and care very much about "what was bothering him", but he could never really tell me anything specific. He would always just say, "I just have too much on my mind, and I'm just really DOWN about everything". He would never confide in me about anything "specific", or let me in on his "secret sufferings". (that is what it seemed like) To me, when there is a down day, it feels like he is carrying around all these "worries" that I just wouldn't or couldn't understand. (that's what his body language and spoken or unspoken things feel like to me) I've learned over the years that there's not much I can do, but he really mopes around for a day or two and acts like the world is coming to an end.
On the "good" days, he's upbeat, funny, lighthearted and is fun to be around. Are these mood swings part of the daily life of those with adhd? Do they have to learn to deal with this? Before we knew he had adhd, these "down" times made me feel very bad, and I didn't know what to do. There were occasional times where his down time would last several days to a week, and it was miserable in the house. I felt like a failure because there wasn't anything I could do to "cheer him up", and he let me FEEL like a failure, without telling me, "It's not you, it's me".
On another note: He feels like a failure quite a bit of the time, regardless of the MANY accomplishments he has. He's earned a BA, MA, PhD, has been a VERY successful teacher with many awards and acknowledgements from colleagues and media. He is published and has started many different musical groups that are still going today. But, to him, none of this is "enough". He always tells me, "I always believed that I was supposed to do something GREAT with my life". But, he doesn't SEE anything good he has done as being ENOUGH. Nothing of what he has done is "enough" accomplishment. I know he wants "fame" and also the money that hopefully comes with that. Anyway, I've been dissapointed in the past because ME or OUR FAMILY isn't considered in his "list of accomplishments". This has been very hurtful. Does anyone else go through this? I've disconnected myself emotionally, but there are still occasions where it DOES get to me, that he doesn't recognize that our family is the GREATEST of accomplishments.
Is this something that could also be changed with different medications, or stronger medications?
Thanks for listening.