I want to learn how to re-negotiate - well, our lives! LOL!!!
My outlook for the past 29 years has been "us as a couple" and "my marriage."
Boy, I have everything enmeshed together - the construction business, our relationship with families versus each of our own relationships with people in our families. I walk in and out of permeable boundaries that really mean nothing. And it makes my stomach churn.
I really need to back out of the construction business. My trying to be supportive is not received as such, thus I receive statements that my feelings on things are nothing he can fix. Hmm, not that I wanted them fixed. Maybe just acknowledged and considered. At the current moment that is not working out so well. The truth be told, it is exactly as he said: Every decision he has attempted to compromise in has led him to anger. He tried different things because he "had to." That backfired major big time - for me and him both. I thought I was receiving his support, and he was seething that he "did not want to give in but did it anyway."
I had discovered the wisdom many years ago that we can either be married or work together - trying to do both has us more or less at each others throats. I realize I have not wanted to fully let go of any speck of control I have, so inasmuch I have done the finances. The business is literally financially been run into the ground. It is not like I want to abandon a sinking ship - but I want to extricate myself and let him have the ultimate control.
I am the one sitting here with a stomach ache, while it appears he is status-quo. I feel told-off. I feel disrespected. Of course, not his intent, but it leaves me shut out - by his angry stance.
SO, since I have to work myself out of this entangled mess, I am searching for suggestions on the very first baby step to get out of this, with using the most sincere and positive steps I can.
I have re-read this - and add that I do not want to 'get' out' of this. I want to make it better. Thus, I need steps necessary to turn it around.