Re: sex in the relationship

Sex is a subject that I have read in many posts, with people not getting into it right then because of needing to talk about other issues, but it DOES get mentioned. There has been a running theme that has me interested, because it's also MY relationship with my ADHD husband. The issue being this: Before the wedding, or at the beginning of the marriage, sex is good, maybe not great but still okay, but AFTER the wedding it changes and becomes almost non-existent and for some, TOTALLY non-existent as in my case.

My ADHD husband is on Concerta, KNOWS he has ADHD, but does not read about it or work on ADHD issues. When we were first married sex was several times a month to twice a month to twice a year to now NON-EXISTENT.  I tried VERY HARD to make our lives romantic, sexually exciting and worked tirelessly to make him feel GOOD about himself sexually, because I knew he never felt very competent in that area. NOTHING I DID WORKED. I never yelled at him or tried to make him feel "less of a man" etc., but I sure felt less of a woman. I kept myself up physically, always tried to look nice, stayed upbeat and positive regardless of his moods, and even still did the "flirting and sexual teasing that goes on when dating) NOTHING MADE ANY DIFFERENCE.

Sex was ALWAYS over in the blink of an eye, with me left "just hanging there". When I would ask him to "please help me finish", (without getting graphic), he would "sort of" try to help me reach orgasm while falling asleep, and repeating "Are you done yet?". THIS DID NOTHING FOR ME, except add MORE frustration. When I hit my sexual peak around 30, he almost seemed to AVOID me, but he seemed to frequently "JOKE" about sex to his buddies and other people like he was some sort of sexual STUD. (not the case) There's only so many times you can "please yourself" when you have a perfectly good partner that SHOULD be willing and WANT to be with you. I MEAN THEY DID TAKE THE VOWS, DIDN'T THEY? (but the vows have a much different meaning to those with adhd, it seems)

Maybe if the ADHD had been diagnosed years earlier, things would have been different, but he has no desire NOW, and he's on Concerta. (I don't know) I NEVER wanted to be the couple that just "lives" in the same house, but has no physical relationship, but HERE WE ARE.

AND.....TO TOP IT OFF...... I'm the one that has had a sex starved relationship and guess who has the affair?..........YEP........HE DOES. I just don't get it, and since he WILL NOT DISCUSS anything about it.....I am left totally in the dark here. Anyone else been through similar?