Hi group, Maybe someone can give me insight into my adhd husband's type of adhd, because it is still confusing to me, and at times I am just STUMPED. He was never lazy, in fact he was always "doing something" (I guess hyperactivity?)He didn't do things in ways that most kids would do, but I guess some of his actions could have seemed as "lazy". He WAS messy, and never put anything back, and his father was always angry at him for something.
He always did very well in school and got straight A's, which is not usual for the "typical" adhd person. In fact school was "easy" for him, meaning, he rarely had to study and STILL got good grades with honors. (considered a nerd) His social life was more difficult for him though. He was scared to death of girls (his words) most of his growing up, and only had one real "friend". I've asked some of his old friends (aquaintinces) what he was like when he was young, and found out that HIS view of his childhood friendships were different than how his "friends" saw things. He was very impatient with people, and the other kids saw him as "somewhat mean" or "disconnected". He couldn't talk with people easily, or make friends easily, (which he's had trouble with most of his adult life) I know his social awkwardness has hurt him in his adult professional career, and he's been very angry with me if I tried to suggest ways to "mingle" or "network" with other co-workers. (which I don't do anymore)
My husband's lack of talking and communicating has been the most difficult thing. He can talk for hours if it is about his interests, job, or himself, but when it comes to our relationship, he stops. I know our lack of communication due to all the years of undiagnosed adhd has played a huge part in this, but, he STILL thinks that I'm the one "who can't say things right". In the past, we've had hundreds of disagreements of "You said this", "No you didn't", "Yes you did", "You didn't say that", "I didn't say that". I would be AMAZED at things he "thought" I said/or didn't say, would be exactly the OPPOSITE of what was said. (and vise versa) I thought I was going crazy. Here is someone who is SO smart and educated, and yet "simple communication" about our every day life, is akin to torture.
My main point is this: I am still having difficulty dealing with my husbands lack of relationship skills/communication. I don't know whether to just stop fretting over this, or whether to keep trying to communicate. I haven't been successful in my past attempts at communication, so should I leave it up to him? There ARE things that are bothering him but he keeps telling me, "I just keep it to myself". I tell him, but that hasn't been helping, so lets try to find another way to say or do things so that we CAN know what each other is saying. I often wonder if there is something more than adhd going on with him. (one counselor suggested the possibility of Asperger's) But, there is NO way my husband will look at anything else other than adhd. He is ok with having adhd, and taking Concerta for it, but DON'T suggest there is anything else.
I just can't reach him when it comes to US. So, I don't know what he thinks a "good marriage" or a "good relationship" should consist of. It's frustrating, it's confusing, it hurts and years just keep going by without any resolution or breakthrough with this. I know I'm rambling, but we have this WALL between us that just never comes down and nothing can go through. So, I just don't know what is left. Thanks for listening