We had another argument about an issue that keeps coming up. We went out to dinner last night, and I was obviously frustrated but was trying to "shake it off". (didn't accomplish it) Anyway, during the entire car ride, dinner, shopping and ride home, my husband talked about himself, his projects, his work and everything else. (as usual) I was getting frustrated because I wanted to talk about something ELSE, anything else, I didn't care, but just something that had to do with ME instead of always having to talking about my husbands interests.
When we got home, I went to bed and was having trouble sleeping, so I went to talk to my husband about what was bothering me. He got really upset. He was working on things for his job. (for the next day) He got mad and accuse me of always picking bad times to talk. The truth is, I RARELY talk about what is bothering me because there ARE NO GOOD TIMES or "right times" to talk about these things. I've been told dozens and dozens of times, "You know, I'm not really INTERESTED in talking about this". "Can't we discuss this some other time?" "Do we HAVE to talk about this NOW?" The last time I tried to do this was over a year ago. (but of course I DO THIS ALL THE TIME, he says)
So, YES, I apologized for "bad timing", and went back to bed, to which he started yelling and said, "Well now you've ruined my night and now I can't finish my work because you got me all upset". It was 12:30 am, and his usual bedtime is 3:00 am or later, and I pointed this out. Anyway, all I wanted to tell him was this: "I want to be able to talk about some things that I am interested in, and have you listen and give me feedback like I do for you." He got angry and said, "I ALWAYS WILL TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO YOU", "When Don"t I take time to listen to you?" So, I used an example of a few days earlier. We were riding in the car, and I was trying to talk to him about my passion of jewelry making, and he totally tuned me out. He told me, "I can't think about that right now, because my mind is on other things". I have heard this SO MUCH, and FOR SO LONG, that I told him I wanted him to understand WHY it makes me feel like he doesn't CARE about ME or what I'M interested in. This made him even angrier, and said it was just crazy. He told me that if I wanted to talk about "my subjects", to just TELL HIM, and he will listen. YEAH RIGHT......THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED!!!
How the heck are we supposed to communicate with this type of situation playing out over and over and over? I've tried many different ways, different DAYS, different times, etc., and he STILL tunes me out. But, if it is a stranger or someone else who wants him to listen, he is RIGHT THERE, with a very attentive ear, listening and eager to help. I told him about this also, and he said "That is different". arrrrrhhhhh
What the heck is going on? I am baffled and hurt and don't understand, and today we are both frustrated, and he is mad as heck at me today. What did I do wrong? I REALLY don't get it.