I have been married to my ADD husband for almost 3 years. It is my second marriage. I have 4 children and he has 2 children. I have tried everything. I have resorted going to Alanon because he also has on/off addiction issues. I love him, but he just has too many problems. His ADD has ruined his life and is ruining my life. I am in debt because he CANNOT manage money and blames it on everyone and everything else. When I try to talk to him he gets defensive and makes a million excuses. At one point he had the business account -7,000.00. I almost had a heart attack. I have taken him off the account and did it all myself. Then he slowly starts going to the bank and getting money, then next thing I know there is no money in the account.
Like I have read in many post. Sex is out of the question. I am more disgusted by him than attracted to him.
Since we married my life has become one financial disaster after another. Unfortunately we run a business together. I recently had to just back out of the business. His disorganization is destroying the business. I have decided to focus back on my career outside of the business. Just seeing him run the hamster wheel and never getting anything accomplished drives me insane, as it does the customers.
I have become depressed and gained 25lbs. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and just hate who I see and who I have become. My joy is gone and I WANT MY LIFE BACK. My house is always a disaster. He never finishes anything he starts. He procrastinates to no end and works 18 hours a day - yet he never competes anything nor does he get anything done. It takes him 4 hours to complete what most people can do in an hour. He gets distracted so easily and cannot stay on task, he is always behind and makes promises that he never fulfills.
He yells at the kids because they make messes, yet he does the same thing and does not take responsibility for his own messes and unfinished business.
I dream daily of a separation. He needs help, and what I have learned in Alanon is that he has a disease that I cannot fix. I have stepped out and let him deal with his dysfunction, but his disorganization is driving me insane. What ever love I feel for him gets more and more depleted everyday.
I asked a dear friend, who is a therapist, "What do I? I have passed the point of no return?" Her answer was, "When you have past the point of no return all you can do is hire and attorney". I am in a no win situation at the moment. We are in the process of selling the business and I am waiting on my children to finish the school year before I make any sudden changes.
I read the post and feel the pain. Really don't know what responses I am looking for, but just knowing others are dealing with same issues helps.
I am ready to be done. I cannot do this past May - NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM! He is destroying my life. And his refusal to get help and take accountability for his actions and to work to get better leaves me no choice but to exit right stage.