So emotionally exhausted now, can barely write.
Married for 7 years, didn't know DH was ADD until well into marriage. Have had years of emotional abuse, violent temper rages (NEVER against me) with throwing things, slamming himself into walls, saying, "I'm going to just kill myself."
Blaming me for thing he does wrong. Flying off in angry outbursts at me for things he then goes and does. Hasn't held a job or been able to support us in the 7 years of marriage, blew through an inheritance we had WITHOUT TELLING ME that we were saving, now we are broke and might lose the house.
Endless things lost, misplaced, forgotten.
And the selfishness is the worst. Is this part of ADD? I'm new to this forum.
He often has little to no compassion or care for me or our daughter. He will look out for himself and do what HE wants regardless of how it affects us. When I ask him not to do "x" because it's not good for our family, he gets angry and says, "But I want to, I deserve it, why are you punishing me?"
And the clutter everywhere. As soon as he leaves a room it looks like a tornado was there, even if I just cleaned it a few mintues before he went in the room. It's like living with a teen ager.
He is not a responsible husband or father.
Tonight, he deeply hurt me. Again. He went to the bank, 2 minutes from our house, to get cash for me to do the grocery shopping. He knew I was waiting for him, with our daughter, shoes on, coats on. Well, 3 HOURS go by with no answer on his cell, when I realize he left his cell phone HOME as I can hear it ringing. I get in the car and drive around looking for accidents. I call the police to ask about accidents. I'm freaking out.
He finally comes home and says that on the way to the bank he decided to stop by his job and talk to his boss for a "minute." He saw nothing wrong with that. He didn't get why I was mad he didn't go to the bank and come home since WE WERE WAITING FOR HIM. Well, after his boss' he went to the bank, and according to him, "didn't feel well" so put the seat back in his car and accidently fell asleep. Come to find out he hasn't eaten or drunk anything all day, which is why he "didn't feel good."
Again, he didn't see why I was mad at him for not eating/drinking all day and putting us in this position. He yelled and screamed that I didn't care about him, that I should feel sorry for him because he felt so ill.
Then he tells me he's going to his friend's house for dinner. This friend has a men's group/dinner at his house every other week and this was the week. My husband's job requires him to be on call in the evenings. I willingly gave up my evening women's group so he could work this job and get us out of the financial hole HE put us in. But he's been going to his men's group because if he gets a call, he can leave from there.
So tonight, I was so wound up and stressed from thinking he'd been in an accident I asked him not to go, I needed to just drive around, cool off. He yelled, "I'M GOING TO FRIEND'S!" And didn't get why I thought that was selfish. What I wanted to hear was "I'm sorry I put you through this, let me make it up to you. Go, take a ride, relax, just be back in time for when I go on call, I'll skip friend's tonight."
Nope. He yelled. Screamed. Raged. Scared our daughter. Said I was "punishing" him and slammed doors.
I feel at the end. I don't want our daughter to grow up with this, it's gonna mess her up. I feel like I physically and emotionally CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I just can't.
I feel like I am not a wife, but a mother. Or like he had some kind of brain injury, is special needs.
I don't believe in divorce for this kind of thing (he has never raised a hand to me or daughter). My religious background encourages me to work this out. He won't go to counseling. He won't go on meds.
I feel so depressed and alone.