Realization, the shock and sadness

I recently bought Melissa's book and read about this site. I found the book out of desperation, searching on the web. Thank goodness is all I can say! It could save my marriage, but I am scared it may be too late. It is very hard for me to type right now, I can't stop the tears. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone else felt this way when they first came to this site? Years and years of struggle and to think it was ADHD! My husband was diagnosed almost 2 years ago, when my son was. We have been married 19 years and have 3 teenagers. Our problems got worse when I started resenting all I had to do. He is a kind man, no abuse, but his ADHD symptoms have created a monster out of me. I hate when I nag but am just so fed up. Between his defensiveness, and my anger, I don't know what to do. He feels he can't do any thing right and I feel like I have to do everything. I don't want this, I often think it would be easier living alone, I am alone anyway. Years of his distraction made me feel like I was the problem and I never knew why. He always said he loved me but words meant nothing. I sleep with my back to him, it hurts, all this confusion. All I can say is thank goodness for this site. I wish I had found it earlier. Where to begin?

It is scary and sad and relief and pain and...

It's all those emotions wrapped up in one moment spilled out over years.  I have often found myself crying out loud when I first started reading things from mother's with ADHD children. I figured it was just my inability to parent and not having enough patience to help and relate to my child.  And then I went to a CHADD meeting thinking that maybe I could be with people who could relate.  After the first two or three meetings...I heard my husband being described.  I honestly tried to shake it off.  Then one of  the members gave me a book to read called...Is it you, me or Adult ADD?  Talk about crying and reading with my mouth open...it was like the "ah ha" moment and it was sad.  Sad because we had no idea. Sad because we have been so hurt by it.  Sad because was I learning too late.  Sad because would he ever see himself with the possibility of ADD?  This was just 3 months ago.  We've been married 10 years, together 19, two boys and he was(might still be ready) to move out this week and get a divorce because he would rather leave then find a truth that could hurt and help all at the same time. He believes I have it and  appears really not willing to see himself in that position. Am I ready to begin a new chapter that could be equally as hard and as frustrating as the last 10 years?  I don't know... having a 3 and 8 year old makes me say..."of course".  But it might be a little like hitting my head on the wall repeatedly again.  He has many good qualities, but many that make living with him a nightmare.  So you aren't alone, not like you might have thought.  This is way real.  It takes a lot of time and major amounts of more effort.  And when you feel exhausted and depleted just based on your daily lives...this can seem almost ridiculous to even contemplate trying.  But something in me said that as long as I found the truth and I didn't have to shoulder all the blame (yes, I created my own bad habits in order to cope with his- which did not help us) for the end of my marriage and the end to my family...that I could then at least walk away knowing I did what I could.  Breathe and fill your soul with peace for a moment knowing you have found the answer...then get stronger and  know that now you have to ask all the hard questions.   Take care of yourself, really take care of yourself now.