My ADD H seems to not be able to set a goal or make a plan or think of the future or past...just now....just the happy now. At retirement, H sits and smokes and entertains himself. This morning, I suggested a challenge/plan to him for him. A small area of his hoarded masses to look at and organize and clean. He ignored me and then went about posturing like an alpha ape, sighing, slamming, huffing, glaring with a drama that the simple request did not deserve. I realize this is how he has always been but I had in the past just accepted it and sort of blamed myself for being a "nag"...which is a word he used to use A LOT. That aura of vindictive danger had "kept me in my place" for years . It worked for him. He is doing it now, just for me mentioning that I would appreciate it if he cleaned a portion of his office today.
I'm just posting this to help us all realize what is going on and to accept it for clarity, sanity and your own dignity.
It's not your fault if your spouse reacts this way. Realize and accept.